late bloomer

what do you do when you need an emotional support from somebody and that person is someone who cannot give you anything? or maybe you're hanging onto the air? the answer is simply nothing. no matter how positive and hopeful i try to be, i still get knocked by reality with the feeling of lonesome. that's when i get closer to the person up above. maybe He lets me feel this way to call Him. 

i'm the social butterfly trapped in her own cocoon. two or three years ago, i got shattered when i read a survey in cosmo the measure of success to a woman's life. it consists of two major points, career and love. i never knew back then that love is a measure of success. i grew up being career-oriented and dreaming of becoming wealthy so i can have a good life and that's it. i felt such a failure not knowing such. if only i have known or someone had preached me, i could have worked for it early on somehow or made it a goal even. but how do we actually work for a non-existent love? i blocked on my brain the part where i had unrequited loves. with an s. but that's what makes life exciting. you won't know what will happen if you don't risk anything. you have a plan but that is only ideal. action is constant and unpredictable. 

i've sunken the feeling of love in the abyss of time. i am re-discovering that it's not love when there's no pain. i was so afraid of pain that it kept me from pulling back. but i have to conquer that phobia and go through life. so yes, i am positive. i now acknowledge that i need love from someone who i can reciprocate it with. i'm praying and wishful thinking for that person to come to me. maturity will really change your outlook in life. i think it's not too late to ponder on things like these. my life is just starting.