after great pain a formal feeling comes

by emily dickinson

After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

life is never fair. you get what you don't want and when you get what you want, you will want more. it's human nature. and it's crazy.

i've always used reason over feelings. but there are certain moments when your feelings overpower reason. by letting feelings win makes me weak. when that happens, i'm doomed. it doesn't matter if i have the talent to move away so quickly.  i don't understand why it always have to be one sided. 

stoicism made me live life. i've undergone different levels of  pain but when hurt comes i become cold and numb. that's the key. i haven't really let anyone reciprocate my feelings. it's a self-defense to vulnerability. as what emily said, when in pain, first you chill, then you'll feel a mental numbness or stupor, and finally you let go.