freedom

freedom!!!! with that tune on my brain. yep, after a 4-month stint in a job that i wasn't sure of. they let me go which is good and bad. good in a sense that i learned to not get into something or settle for something just because and bad because my cash flow is running out. i used to think quick of solutions but when it comes to my life, it seems to be a staggering dilemma that only gives me headache. 

a friend asked me for a career advice and i said that 'you should take risks because that's the only way you will know and if it doesn't work out, it's okay at least you know.' why is it so easy to give an advice and when it comes to applying to yourself it seems so difficult. being a corporate slave bores and ticks me. but i don't have enough cash to start my own business. 

i have this mba friend who works for this big multinational oil company and graduated from one of the best schools and is paid well. i'm surprised that we want the same thing. i thought she's this corporate gal who wants to get up in the ladder. she wants to be a AB housewife with an ex-pat husband or some responsible rich guy ala real housewives of OC or NYC. it's a lame solution but if i given my situation now, i will definitely opt for it! haha 

women are now trained and expected to work and help the family because of the higher cost of living. but talk about stress. i'm not a fan of it and it just makes me fugly. what i really want is to be a stay-at-home wife with a business. oh reality crap, i'm single. :)

awakening

2 pre-reqs and 1 core, done. this term i only took 2. an accounting subject and ethics which i know i will like, a socio-political and philosophical themed course. i wasn't supposed to enroll but i realized, hey, i have to finish what i began and i'm going to miss my friends or that friend. 

school has given me a sense of belonging. it's a totally different world like the na'vi of avatar. it's just that it's not alien creatures but you talk a different language and a certain wavelength which you will understand. i found my own version of jake that is only giving me nostalgia. when i withdraw, i don't know why but it reconnects. i tried to fight and forget but it keeps on coming back. i want to be free from uncertainty. but how can i do that when i breathe in the same space. somehow, i wanted to take a break from that world, to get away and forget. but as stubborn as i am, i did not. i vowed to never enter a guessing game again but here i am. 

work has been pretty hectic that i have undergone humiliation and embarrassment. i think it's part of being a newbie to an environment you are not familiar with minimal supervision. since it is territorial, i haven't marked that territory yet. i am not a big fan of pleasing people but now it's very clear to me that i have to kiss ass. in a corporate set-up where power is prevalent just like in politics, what can a new little girl do. it's either suck up with the system or leave. now i have to suck it up since i need to. we all have to earn a living anyway.

at the end of the day, i just want to be happy like everyone else. but how do we seize happiness?they say it's always a matter of the mind. but my thin-lined vein does not comprehend. i choose joy, according to Paulo Coehlo. only God knows where this is going to be.