tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60125674664051926372024-03-13T09:38:34.806+08:00hope. faith. love.jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-12794938929360906562010-12-31T22:19:00.002+08:002010-12-31T22:49:48.655+08:00thank you 2010, hello 2011a few days back, i was quite hesitant and almost felt fear for the coming year. number one, i'm getting my quarter life age in a short few days. number two, everything is uncertain and number three, i ask myself, am i ready? but as minutes get closer to midnight, it gets a little exciting like an adrenaline rush on my veins. perhaps no one will really never know what to expect in life, so i must be positive and imbibe good vibes. <div><br /></div><div>so now i have a concrete list on my resolution for 2011:</div><div><br /><div>1. learn more and get back on art. i kinda lost track in 2010.</div><div>2. personal goal: project hotness. diet. exercise. detox. healthier me. </div><div>3. take more time to study. </div><div>4. master time management. </div><div>5. be diligent in work.</div><div>6. be more humble, kind, and patient. </div><div>7. expand horizons. be nicer and friendlier. </div><div>8. attract love.</div><div>9. less complaints. </div><div>10. be sweeter. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>2011 is my year of progress. :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-71860257417201992112010-10-25T14:52:00.004+08:002010-10-25T15:56:17.760+08:00i found itit was the first week of july, a year ago. i entered the halls of my current academy with zero idea what i got myself into. all i know was one thing, i had high hopes that my sun will be brighter. my very first day was a financial accounting course, people were very serious and very business-like maybe because it's the first day and it's an accounting subject. the second day was more chill, my business communication course and the third was statistics. <div><br /></div><div>then second term went by and third term. not fourth term is ending. bit happy and sad. people who became close to my heart had to stop but i am happy that i gained new friendships. </div><div>i found great friends from those different classes and built good foundation with them. </div><div><br /></div><div>it's also my 3rd month with my awesome job. i get commends that i look happier. i have faith that with all the hurdles, everything will fall into places. i am still on the search process of the other aspect of my life but i know this, i found myself upon getting back to school and mba gave me directions and opportunities that i never seen before. i practically fell in love with it. so far, it has been the best decision i've ever made.</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-39383125780670149882010-06-29T19:58:00.011+08:002010-06-30T02:18:06.609+08:00go on woman<div>being in-between jobs is excruciating pain. that feeling that you have no control of. i really have no idea what i'm getting into but i do know one thing, love... i just need a freaking job. so i'm going back to the one i first loved. i have this love-hate relationship with media that no matter where i go, i keep on coming back. i hope this time it works out even if the job entails contractual. i feel pressured that i'll be evaluated after 2 months. it's too quick to be judged. but hey, wherever we go, we are judged. i'm grateful to the people who knew me who gave me this chance since it's my 3rd attempt in that company. i took the bragging right and the offer. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>then there is grad school that keeps me gay until lately. i wanted something that i cannot have. force cannot do it. i felt suffocated and my insides wanted to explode. i wanted to stay away, all the more i wanted to stay. i should have learned than undergo this vicious cycle. i have built a wall to protect my vulnerability and yet it was broken. now i need a fortress. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>i'm the best actress. i just want to love and be loved in return ala satine and christian. who doesn't? no matter how many times i read 'he's just not that into you,' it still doesn't sink in. i don't want to be on the losing end. i don't want to be toyed anymore. i've accepted it, i'm just a pawn in the chess game on his cunningly brain. too bad for me that i like asshole men. i don't want fun anymore. i want the real thing. i cannot distinguish anymore on who is more confused, him, who likes chasing girls and keeps me guessing by being hot and cold or me, who lets him get me frustrated and test my patience and then buys the crap? i felt cheated with time wasted and actually think we're developing a genuine friendship. i was such a fool to think that i can navigate these feelings with a manipulative guy. i knew it from the start that it would end up something like this. i won't be played at. i have to go away before he breaks my heart. </div><div><br /></div><div>letting go of fears, anxiety and uncertainty. i'm at this age that i want to be certain. i want something constant and stable. i want to be happy. i am surrendering to God and the universe. i know He has plans for me. <br /></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-59607667116971019312010-05-31T19:42:00.003+08:002010-05-31T20:11:42.271+08:00running awayhappy cells on the run! :) i have been running lately for my health and fitness. it makes me feel good. i have lost 35 lbs since january of 2009. it took me more than a year because of inconsistencies but now i'm more determined than ever to lose 15 lbs more within the month of june. yes. it's now or never. i'll get my slim body back. :D<div><br /></div><div>figuratively speaking.. i do want to run away. when can i stay put and be stable. i know it's all in the mind but what can a spontaneous person like me think and do. for now, yeah i'll stay put and achieve my fitness goal and studies... :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-26889510213684921282010-04-21T12:27:00.003+08:002010-04-21T13:21:59.730+08:00freedomfreedom!!!! with that tune on my brain. yep, after a 4-month stint in a job that i wasn't sure of. they let me go which is good and bad. good in a sense that i learned to not get into something or settle for something just because and bad because my cash flow is running out. i used to think quick of solutions but when it comes to my life, it seems to be a staggering dilemma that only gives me headache. <div><br /></div><div>a friend asked me for a career advice and i said that 'you should take risks because that's the only way you will know and if it doesn't work out, it's okay at least you know.' why is it so easy to give an advice and when it comes to applying to yourself it seems so difficult. being a corporate slave bores and ticks me. but i don't have enough cash to start my own business. </div><div><br /></div><div>i have this mba friend who works for this big multinational oil company and graduated from one of the best schools and is paid well. i'm surprised that we want the same thing. i thought she's this corporate gal who wants to get up in the ladder. she wants to be a AB housewife with an ex-pat husband or some responsible rich guy ala real housewives of OC or NYC. it's a lame solution but if i given my situation now, i will definitely opt for it! haha </div><div><br /></div><div>women are now trained and expected to work and help the family because of the higher cost of living. but talk about stress. i'm not a fan of it and it just makes me fugly. what i really want is to be a stay-at-home wife with a business. oh reality crap, i'm single. :)</div><div><br /></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-4674313854711423452010-04-04T22:08:00.005+08:002010-04-04T23:25:58.279+08:00awakening2 pre-reqs and 1 core, done. this term i only took 2. an accounting subject and ethics which i know i will like, a socio-political and philosophical themed course. i wasn't supposed to enroll but i realized, hey, i have to finish what i began and i'm going to miss my friends or that friend. <div><br /></div><div>school has given me a sense of belonging. it's a totally different world like the na'vi of avatar. it's just that it's not alien creatures but you talk a different language and a certain wavelength which you will understand. i found my own version of jake that is only giving me nostalgia. when i withdraw, i don't know why but it reconnects. i tried to fight and forget but it keeps on coming back. i want to be free from uncertainty. but how can i do that when i breathe in the same space. somehow, i wanted to take a break from that world, to get away and forget. but as stubborn as i am, i did not. i vowed to never enter a guessing game again but here i am. <div><br /></div><div>work has been pretty hectic that i have undergone humiliation and embarrassment. i think it's part of being a newbie to an environment you are not familiar with minimal supervision. since it is territorial, i haven't marked that territory yet. i am not a big fan of pleasing people but now it's very clear to me that i have to kiss ass. in a corporate set-up where power is prevalent just like in politics, what can a new little girl do. it's either suck up with the system or leave. now i have to suck it up since i need to. we all have to earn a living anyway.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>at the end of the day, i just want to be happy like everyone else. but how do we seize happiness?they say it's always a matter of the mind. but my thin-lined vein does not comprehend. i choose joy, according to Paulo Coehlo. only God knows where this is going to be. </div></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-26623463627482448502010-02-14T08:08:00.003+08:002010-02-14T19:32:39.722+08:00this thing called hormonesi was undergoing depression the few days back. feeling like the universe is acting up against me. i wasn't happy at all. i felt like all endeavors that i do is a struggle. my life is pretty much complicated, i think. balancing work, school and life in general. and when i get criticized for something or feeling like a loss i feel bad. <div><br /></div><div>i wrote a class paper about my enneagram, that being a number 3 when unhealthy, becomes depressed and withdraws herself from people. and that's what i've been doing. i pretty much stopped writing because i had to keep everything to myself. i seem to have it all but deep inside i'm broken. <div><br /></div><div>now i don't want to hide. i'm embracing everything what God and the universe wants me to have and do and take it as it is. i know that everything happens for a reason with my predicament now. i'm at my job because for something. i'm getting my education perhaps to know myself and have a direction in life. i'm single because the best it yet to come. my family is on verge of the lowest of low because i have to be strong and mature. </div><div><br /></div><div>this year, my resolution is to be more humble, continue search for peace, serenity and love. this year i want to fall in love given it's reciprocated. i don't want to repeat a vicious cycle that would only bring me pain. this year, i'll be a better person and this year, i will be fabulous. i will reach my target weight goal by march. this year is my year of blossoming. this year i will look more beautiful than ever. </div><div><br /></div><div>i just found out it's my first day. ah this thing called estrogen. </div></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-59568092119197293192010-02-13T23:37:00.004+08:002010-02-13T23:45:30.988+08:00bad romance<div>it's hard when feelings is on its way</div><div>no matter how hard i try to fight and avoid it</div><div>it just keeps on coming back hungry for more</div><div>my wish is the happy ending </div><div>with a big uncertainty</div><div>how many inspirational books should i read</div><div>to get over something that's not even there?</div><div>when my vulnerability sinks in </div><div>it is always bad</div><div>i can't get hurt </div><div>i've been there...</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-9344353345211401022010-02-13T23:02:00.003+08:002010-02-13T23:27:08.448+08:00times have changed<div>yearly, i reflect on the past year that happened to me and try to enlighten myself with new learnings. and looking back at 2008, it was full of fun, laughter and tears. in the beginning of that year, i had the bomb. being a professional bum was the best. i mean literally, you go to sleep and wake up late, you do your heart's desire and sleep again. but it comes pretty boring and feeling useless. in the midyear, i decided to go back to school. met my friends, a crush, it gives my shiver when i'm at the campus. i'm my happiest. latter part of last year, toughest trial that my family has to go through. i thank God for keeping me and my family together. </div><div><br /></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-30529788449991884662010-02-13T22:43:00.004+08:002010-02-13T22:59:39.024+08:00my new projecti read the idea from my belle de jour planner, to keep a positivity journal. so i'll start today by having my gratitude list. today, i'm thankful for...<div><br /></div><div>- that job i have...</div><div>- being alive and kicking...</div><div>- losing 30 lbs from last year and counting...</div><div>- being able to carry myself in tough situations...</div><div>- fulfilling my dream which is studying master's....</div><div>- living day by day...</div><div>- finding time for myself even if 24 hrs still feels like it's not enough...</div><div>- having the energy to go back to gym on weekends... </div><div>- having surrounded by family, friends and of course God... :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-79488919441567406822010-02-13T21:39:00.006+08:002010-02-13T22:33:24.213+08:00the queen is backwhy did i stop for 3 months? rewind.....<div><br /></div><div>october: it is twitter's fault. i became so active there. then finals month from 1st term. </div><div><br /></div><div>november: still twitter. start of second term. more hanging out with the boys. been in and out of the hospital because of bro. </div><div><br /></div><div>december: finally landed a job. from all that excruciating dilemma of mine. lessen gimik. started to not eat but the holidays. </div><div><br /></div><div>january: new year, new me. new resolution and dreams. oh yeah my birthday. surprised by my girls. </div><div><br /></div><div>i vowed to be consistent in everything this year and this includes my blog. :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-77472679495860627712009-10-02T22:34:00.006+08:002009-10-02T23:56:14.538+08:00little black immersiontwo weeks ago before all these disasters, i.e. typhoons, earthquakes, tsunamis seen at the asia pacific region, i myself was way up north in ilocos for a weekend road trip with strangers. yes, literally. well we came from the same school but i only know three of them and little did i know there were more males and the females. it didn't really bother me since i'm always up for something new and exciting. i felt like i lived in the big brother house with unfamiliar faces to share a house with. it was just three days but i learned a lot specifically with the male species from that experience. <div><br /></div><div>there are lots of psychology books which i also read classifying women from men. but it's still different to know first-hand. i like to call it my 'little black immersion.' in an unfamiliar territory and people, i was on guard and quiet. i'm not shy or timid, i'm just observing the whole time. it's innate to me for people i first encounter with. you could just imagine the testosterone level in that kind of situation. </div><div><br /></div><div>for the women out there, i'll list my observations on how the male brain activity works and for the men, some women are not dumbfounded.. just so you know. (lol)</div><div><br /></div><div>-- men checks out women. from her face down. how she dresses. how she carries herself. no conversation included just by seeing you. and yes they do picture you naked. did it ever occur to you why superman has x-ray vision? the more flesh a woman shows, the better ogling for them. no matter what the girl looked like as long as she flashes cleavage or not.</div><div><br /></div><div>-- during conversations over alcohol, if there is a thing called girl talk.. guy talk includes the topic of basketball or any other sport, girls, cars, sex, girls, politics, sex, fantasies (but that wasn't included because i was there), their getting laid style, porn-like strip club joints, courting style, cool dude movies, did i say chicks? haha </div><div><br /></div><div>-- men are born competitive. they have to win. the reason why they like every kind of games. </div><div><br /></div><div>-- speaking of games, they like doing mind games to women. they will never say it straight to the point.</div><div><br /></div><div>-- the more competitive a guy is, expect that he's more likely a playboy. most men have this napoleon complex where he needs to conquer and a chick is his conquest. </div><div><br /></div><div>-- when men get together, they see women as sex objects and testosterone level of the group rises having the 'i'm the man!' feeling. chauvinists pigs. </div><div><br /></div><div>-- unfortunately, men don't mature. it's grad school for god's sake but there's no effect. most single men enrolled to meet other single or not women. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>regardless of the educational trip, i enjoyed my immersion, being one of the boys. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-32395312679186005022009-09-16T14:05:00.007+08:002009-09-16T14:44:23.773+08:00R.I.P.is it the year of famous people dying? first, it's Farrah Fawcett, the 70s angel and sex symbol. <div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRsJQ21Y91iwC6Q5Fx0Bjuj_vgLQJaUO0sOyKBd06NfCbTSv4QTJIXpXiCnroOoCe4c_ccLsSr5S___iKPeWA_g2Y1oXsnXht1cQODD1-4fBo_YeBp-OBJHooI-HT-3B2aZmghHmknz6A/s1600-h/farrah-fawcett.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRsJQ21Y91iwC6Q5Fx0Bjuj_vgLQJaUO0sOyKBd06NfCbTSv4QTJIXpXiCnroOoCe4c_ccLsSr5S___iKPeWA_g2Y1oXsnXht1cQODD1-4fBo_YeBp-OBJHooI-HT-3B2aZmghHmknz6A/s320/farrah-fawcett.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381946192458481538" /></a><br /></div><div>then of course the very publicized death of the king of pop, Michael Jackson. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZACvH0Q6Lss_WsMoawLl0NugJnlA3Cz5cAFjaAWTenTIwUyi8Oy9cPTLl4hWTBz09B87ZM_Pbiahv8qIihOz8WrsxipaBl5VPvQsvkq2CN8JamAg_2wCB7SIc3KnCtjs99PZd0Z6aVs/s1600-h/michael_jackson_casanova_in_concert.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5ZACvH0Q6Lss_WsMoawLl0NugJnlA3Cz5cAFjaAWTenTIwUyi8Oy9cPTLl4hWTBz09B87ZM_Pbiahv8qIihOz8WrsxipaBl5VPvQsvkq2CN8JamAg_2wCB7SIc3KnCtjs99PZd0Z6aVs/s320/michael_jackson_casanova_in_concert.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381947986202895090" /></a><br /><div>then locally, the national icon who gave back democracy to the Filipino people, president Cory Aquino. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglpEYd_mr-uS_oF0jRUNI02ZrYXsvnl7pJg2HZ0_efvcSZ8SeKwQ4GnRLxO19iMu2O0ST4pW3UniWjzzkCOEz318SSSK5IMKeLNRkJL_xYk2RqoclOxvLqPZ-Z6j5ElHAk_zwrPtKp8i8/s1600-h/aquino.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 243px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglpEYd_mr-uS_oF0jRUNI02ZrYXsvnl7pJg2HZ0_efvcSZ8SeKwQ4GnRLxO19iMu2O0ST4pW3UniWjzzkCOEz318SSSK5IMKeLNRkJL_xYk2RqoclOxvLqPZ-Z6j5ElHAk_zwrPtKp8i8/s320/aquino.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381949633906966722" /></a><div><br /></div><div><br />then the young hollywood DJ known for having famous girlfriends and his one time band crazytown, DJ AM.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP9uqQj853vmhEYJkBUt3bAHjZz15RHA6YhwIVqcuB_n4RsHiUBBn54CDCeZhEBotM4pQ7l7Cd3IlmsyO9FD9lQsryMuJZJMLKG887r5Up0FoIwIlA06lpHqVZxOOqGygiooGUJ5UrS-o/s1600-h/djam_8_28.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP9uqQj853vmhEYJkBUt3bAHjZz15RHA6YhwIVqcuB_n4RsHiUBBn54CDCeZhEBotM4pQ7l7Cd3IlmsyO9FD9lQsryMuJZJMLKG887r5Up0FoIwIlA06lpHqVZxOOqGygiooGUJ5UrS-o/s320/djam_8_28.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381947992089990818" /></a><br /><div>then locally, the religious leader of the Christian sect, Iglesia ni Cristo Erano Manalo.</div><div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMfIUHLAZYBtu8i-8340PuH_fDxSukung34mgUDzfocvmWfe9y9_mPwiPRDa7EL_JnUx0BOhEMAbc5z5taCkHb6n5tocM_nj5Q7jbgwBhk4QyZ6jc5lju_fEnRm4hejFVQ35elJCxDrk/s1600-h/KA+ERDY+PIX.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 301px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQMfIUHLAZYBtu8i-8340PuH_fDxSukung34mgUDzfocvmWfe9y9_mPwiPRDa7EL_JnUx0BOhEMAbc5z5taCkHb6n5tocM_nj5Q7jbgwBhk4QyZ6jc5lju_fEnRm4hejFVQ35elJCxDrk/s320/KA+ERDY+PIX.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381950316231015634" /></a><div><br /><div><div>then, the latest is the 80s dirty dancing king, Patrick Swayze. <div><br /></div><div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvSyPSEK2V9EDvpOuVQqM8RYMKqDh6UpE9xv-10jr96dGk17pDafIWGPiOzeSTPbV_hCJvUQDnGcPprYQfiURZ8OwHWX3jEE5JV935tctF0sdrO9OMD7Gj9t9q83_C5GK93CLJspYRZFc/s1600-h/patrick-swayze.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvSyPSEK2V9EDvpOuVQqM8RYMKqDh6UpE9xv-10jr96dGk17pDafIWGPiOzeSTPbV_hCJvUQDnGcPprYQfiURZ8OwHWX3jEE5JV935tctF0sdrO9OMD7Gj9t9q83_C5GK93CLJspYRZFc/s320/patrick-swayze.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381948001679244498" /></a><br /></div><div>my mom texted me yesterday to pick her up from work and go visit our dad and her dad at the cemetery. since she wasn't able to go there last weekend. she visits every weekend. a timely conversation while paying respects at the tomb, i told her, "patrick swayze died today." and she replied in shock, "why?" i said "pancreatic cancer." then she said in sort of relief, "well... you really can't do anything about it." </div><div><br /></div><div>i'm relieved that she has accepted it after 3 years...</div></div></div></div></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-86121899600065045392009-09-14T04:11:00.005+08:002009-09-14T05:09:41.279+08:00positivity, work on mei have to attract the positive. i think my life is in shit right now but compared to other people it's not shitty as it seems. i'm getting to my goal in losing weight and i won't be able to do that if i'm under the influence of pressure, physically and mentally. i'm back to school which i wanted even if i failed my recent midterms in stat class. it's really frustrating that my classmates are really competitive and are good about it. but what can i do, i'm not gifted with the dominant dna for the left brain. <div><br /></div><div>mine is on the right brain. so what a creative person will think and do is that there's always a way. i will pass all my subjects this term. non-negotiable. school is the comfort zone for the filthy politics and showbiz combined in a corporate culture. i feel that i'm done hibernating and i want my life back. i am so pressured to have that life since my mom is too much worried that i'm not working for myself. hence, finances can only last. </div><div><br /></div><div>i have predicted this moment months back. what if i resign and i won't deliver the task at hand on my family, i will go nowhere. and here it is. unemployed, dependent, emotional, submissive. the core characteristics opposite of me nine months ago. now i'm having anxiety. anxiety for things uncertain. my brain can't find the answer, when will i get a job and earn? or when can i have a special person to comfort me in times like this? adding the pressure my mom is telling me to quit school and do something else. she's always been the opposite. sometimes i don't know if she's thinking for my future or just acting on impulse which she always has been. my time is now. i'm an adult and i can think for myself. i hope she can understand that. </div><div><br /></div><div>i can't be negative today or ever. i will pass all my subjects, get a job, a boyfriend and be happy. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-19206179100695964192009-09-10T05:42:00.008+08:002009-09-11T14:11:31.850+08:003-minute triumphi had the most humorous speech ever. i've had speeches in the past during undergrad years in my communication courses and the one that i like about is the impromptu. earlier, i had my midterm exam at business communication. it's a 3-minute impromptu speech wherein you'll be given a shot gun random question with a 5-minute preparation for organizing your thoughts. basically, it's a test on how effective you are as a speaker.<div><br /></div><div>i was number 22, a pre-selected order and of all questions, my question was, "what's the most attractive part of your body? tell us why." here goes my speech. </div><div><br /></div><div>"good evening ms. rex, good evening classmates. my question is, 'what is the most attractive part of my body? and tell us why.' but before i say my answer, let me ask you this, what is attractive? beauty is subjective. it depends on our preference. it can be a long hair, a sexy body, a beautiful face or a beautiful skin. but for me, the most attractive part of my body is my WHR ratio or my waist-to-hip ratio. (audience startled)</div><div><br /></div><div>there's a formula for that! you divide your waist line over your hip line and if you get .7 that means you're sexy. for males, it should be .9. so how do i know all these? i got it from a good friend of mine. actually, he's outside, mr. alvin ang (a classmate who's next to go to his speech). (then everyone laughed) 2 or 3 weeks ago, i saw him reading a book and i got fascinated by it. so i borrowed it from him. the book is entitled, 'do gentlemen really prefer blondes? the science of sex, love and attraction." after reading the book, i computed my WHR and i got .7 so... (in a high pitch tone) i'm sexy!!! (everyone giggled) the reason why men get attracted to women with small waist and big or wide hips is that in an evolutionary and biological way, it means fertility and youth. for males, women get attracted to men from torso to up. (then i saw the yellow flag which means 3 minutes is up!)</div><div><br /></div><div>so! to answer the question what is the most attractive part of my body? my answer is my WHR which is .7." </div><div><br /></div><div>then i went straight to the comfort room! when i got back, some of my classmates were appreciative and gave me congratulatory remarks. then i got the judged scores from the prof right after my speech.</div><div><br /></div><div>criteria for judging:</div><div><br /></div><div>content - perfect</div><div>organization - perfect</div><div>language use - perfect</div><div>delivery - minus one point</div><div>total audience impact - perfect </div><div><br /></div><div>with a total score of 99% :D</div><div><br /></div><div>strengths (remarks): </div><div><br /></div><div>-insightful and informative</div><div>-attractive stage presence</div><div>-free, spontaneous and natural gesture</div><div>-expressive face</div><div>-clear enunciation </div><div>-logical flow of ideas</div><div>-clear, distinct INTRO-BODY-CONCLUSION</div><div><br /></div><div>the winner takes it all. bow. :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-59377798758254428282009-09-07T17:00:00.007+08:002009-09-07T21:50:00.607+08:00holiday monday<div><br />what i don't do bores me and what i do exhausts me. <div>can i just have a middle-ground for me to say i am satisfied?</div><div>doing nothing makes me sane and crazy.</div><div>sane for being too relaxed and crazy for thinking a lot of things. </div><div>no man is an island they say but sometimes i am the island.</div><div>i can't wait to get out of this hole for me to be whole.</div><div>i can feel it nearing, sensing it already in my bones.</div><div>that is why i hate uncertainties. </div><div>hoping for something not sure makes my brain tingle. </div><div>but what can i do? </div><div>nothing. </div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-13224503248128042912009-09-06T13:43:00.010+08:002009-09-06T15:26:58.426+08:00history sundayokay. i have awaken from my emotional turmoil. it's my hormone who is talking so yes, i'm back to my rational self again. i woke up, turned the tv on to history channel. i love history. it makes my imagination run wild. what if i was born during those times where there is no technology. i don't think i can live with that. i can't last a day without internet. it must be boring unless i was a royal surrounded by hot knights and noble men. okay okay. back to now. history lets you understand your culture and behavior. <div><br /></div><div>someday, i'll see those temples, pyramids, paintings, monuments and artifacts. i studied art in college and only knew about modern art through local artists. i have encountered the world's priciest pieces of art through projected powerpoint sheets. someday i'll visit louvre, guggenheim, van gogh, the met, etc. yes, paris and new york will be waiting for me. for now, i'm sticking to the tube where i can see those i can't see in live action.</div><div><br /></div><br /><object width="400" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qQtbklwKm48&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qQtbklwKm48&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="315"></embed></object><br /><div><br /></div><div>just to be clear. i'm not in anyway related to history channel. i'm just a fan of them. :)</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-30352680759140575482009-09-05T20:48:00.008+08:002009-09-05T21:48:00.169+08:00hopeless<div><br /></div>why do your face flash before me?<div>quite do long for your company.</div><div><div>i can't focus when you're beside me.</div><div>it's very unusual for a confident lady like me.</div><div>i can talk vividly and spontaneously.</div><div>but with you, i can't speak of any.</div><div>sometimes i wonder if i should be thinking this.</div><div>and ponder on things like these.</div><div>should i continue and analyze?</div><div>for a hopeless case who romanticize. </div><div>now, my world is crashed.</div><div>because i don't know which path to clash. </div><div>according to adele, 'should i give up?</div><div>or should i just keep chasing pavements?</div><div>even if it leads nowhere?'</div><div>i don't want to predict the future.</div><div>for it is always ambiguous and unsure. </div><div>but my spirit is anticipating.</div><div>for a love whom i'm waiting. </div></div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-60181280071527697042009-09-05T19:34:00.006+08:002009-09-05T21:39:03.770+08:00imma ridersome things in life are free. or maybe it's because of my good social skills so i get things for free. last week, i got a guest pass at fitness first platinum with my new classmate because i mentioned to her to get me in and i was surprised that she readily asked me when she found out it's open weekend at her gym. it totally made my day. my first time to join body jam and yes, i enjoyed myself so much that i was at the front in that hip-hop dance aerobics class and used the haute bathroom's sauna. talk about abuse of benefit! <div><br /></div><div>with homeworks, especially in accounting, i ask my classmates to teach me or answer it for me because i'm totally clueless and good thing they are more than willing to help. and there are the birthdays that you get to be invited. just the other day, i had few drinks with my another classmate of mine at distillery and took free booze with her friends. i thank God for giving me the gift the gab and social trustworthiness or else i'm broke. </div><div><br /></div><div>i am in my most cautious financial life. since being dependent means being tied down with your sponsor which in my case is my mom, i have to live within my means. i've cut on going out and drinking which means a good thing -- diet and bad thing -- i don't see much of my friends or else my mom goes crazy when i go home late at night. my life's pretty complicated. if i do this, i'll end up having this and when i go that way, the result is that. sometimes it's lonely and sometimes it's ecstasy. but i'm used it to it. i'm a loner but a social butterfly in disguise. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-37870210243590656332009-08-31T00:02:00.006+08:002009-08-31T02:02:56.495+08:00when great expectations go wrongthere's a school of thought who says that you will get it when you least expect it and there's another one who says that you will get it when you always think about it to attract it. it does work to some material things. but to immaterial mundane things like love, it's not the case. it's not the world of star wars, love can't be forced and never will be. <div><br /></div><div>my symptom of assertiveness and short longing kicks in. a spoiled brat syndrome who always wants to get what she wants. i realized that i'm only making myself suffer. hoping for something that's not there. every time. it's an old story repeating itself. enlightenment sinked in to stop. i should focus on the things that i'm supposed to be doing.</div><div><br /></div><div>i believe in God's mysterious ways. maybe or maybe not he will give me this time. of course it depends on the course of action i will be taking. so i say chill for when it vapors, i'll be able to savor and taste that gift. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-40796275411119969182009-08-29T20:31:00.004+08:002009-08-29T21:31:26.671+08:00deception pointdisturbing. alarming. deceit. foolishness. are the words that i can only think of right now. i told a top secret to a considered good friend of mine because i cannot bare to not let her know since she can be involved in the future too and the exchanged confession with that man struck me. i knew there was something going on with her and him. i wasn't that blind to see. apparently their one time affair happened when i wasn't in the picture yet. what made me feel disgust is that that they toyed my innocence and naivete. we three would hangout and eventually him playing his moves with me and her pushing me to him. then i fell for him and her secretly hating me because the truth is she fell in love with him too. if she was a true friend, she would have warned me instead of forcing me to him and giving ideas that he might have liked me too. this all happened when i was new, chaste and pure. they were my demons playing angels in disguise. <div><br /></div><div>there never was an intimate relation with him but what's most hurtful is the emotional. i couldn't bare to understand then why he won't pursue me when he already is and then he'll pull back and flirt other girls. now i do understand. he could not afford in his guilt and conscience to toy an innocent and pure. he didn't know but he tortured my feelings. but after all that, i have forgiven. who am i not to forgive. but i never forget. then i changed into some other person. we became friends when i thought it's all past and done. but certain cracks can never be repaired. i can only feel disgust for him now. i pity the girl he's with now who would not claim him in public because he took that girl from her lover. and the girl is guilty of that fact and could not bare gossips around her. </div><div><br /></div><div>i'm glad that it all came to my senses. even with the guy who thinks that he's a conqueror and i was his conquest. and the man who won't commit and thinks that i'm just here waiting for him. like in a shakespearean play, they are all tragedies. i'm in mourning for having such bad relationships. and i believe in retribution. i'm impatient for not having any kind of romantic relationship but i think now God has his way to let me open my eyes that needed time. i'm praying that the next one to arrive is true and sincere. i'm done with deception, lies and false hope. this is how to learn it, the hard way. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-83541551949434226932009-08-24T01:17:00.003+08:002009-08-24T01:32:22.913+08:00emotioni have gone soft. i don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. i used to have a heart of a rock and known as the tough bitch/lady at work. but since i'm out of the corporate jungle for nine months now, my life stopped as well. i'm in this dreamy but in real life scenario wherein i don't have to deal with daily stress and have all the time in the world when before i had no time for myself even a second. <div><br /></div><div>but i'm really bored now. i need to work and have a life and earn for a living. i don't enjoy dependency to my family. i'm now open for love and finding my one true love when before i reject the idea. i'm now more affectionate to others when before i don't care but only to my interest. i read a prayer asking the Lord to teach us to be patient and knowing that patience will prepare us when the right time comes. so i will keep this prayer until then but i hope it's not too far. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-70204209863268377072009-08-24T00:35:00.006+08:002009-08-24T12:52:21.700+08:00reformationwhat's the difference of change and pretentious? i've changed my ways and kept my year's resolution. my mom is a big factor in this whole thing. it's true when they say that 'mothers knows best.' she pulled me off when i was a bit astray. early this year, she talked to me and told me things that i should be doing and then she said, 'do you understand me?' i couldn't say no but it really was no. everything that she said was a blur. then finally it hit me. that's when i had the big twilight zone. <div><br /></div><div>she said to me about normality in life. but what is normal anyway? for a liberal thinker like me, nothing is normal. it's just a standard set by society. but since i live in that system, i should abide. normal life includes finding a good husband to support you and a prim and proper lady should not be acting wild. i'm sure she's fully aware of my then activities that were all abnormalities at her sight. </div><div><br /></div><div>it scares me when i get to hold of myself again and be independent and totally in control. since no one controls me, the sky is the limit. i wasn't ultimately bad, there was no drugs and violence involved but i am guilty of sex, party and lies. i never listened to anyone's advice and my mom couldn't control me for i am an adult. but the thing is i was not acting one. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>now, i feel reformed. but sometimes i feel pretentious of having this image of innocence when i'm totally not. some friends who knew me in that crazy age, doesn't understand me. and asks me even 'if this is what i want?' or 'are you happy?' i feel i'm over it but sometimes i miss it. it's not as if i'm nearing 30s. but my point of view now is more of stability. i want a stable job which i am in search of and a stable serious relationship which i'm still waiting for. i'm done with everything short-term. </div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-17895679149864116282009-08-24T00:02:00.003+08:002009-08-24T00:30:30.806+08:00contemplationafter 2 months of being at the graduate business school. is this really for me? is this really what i want? i think my life would be simpler and happier without financial accounting in a difficult level mode. i think accounting should be taught in simpler ways on how to count your money since we are non-accountants. it does help if the prof would actually teach. i should have listened to my friend to take another prof even if it's on a saturday. <div><br /></div><div>slowly, i'm learning through self-study. i am frustrated for getting low grades in quizzes and homeworks. it's not my forte. in fact, it's my weakness. but it's not an excuse. i told myself that i am taking this to challenge myself into the world where everything is new and fresh jargon. so that i can strengthen my weakness. it's a challenge indeed. </div><div><br /></div><div>everywhere we go there are pros and cons. and with this one, i have a realization about myself on how my brain works. well, that's every time i take a new job or career path. since i am right-brained, i realized that my left brain works through a process. i must get the feeling, experience and understanding first before i get to the analytical part. and when i'm used to that procedure, all is well. other people especially the analytical types, can get a figure or think of something logical right away. mine has to process. logical is not synonymous to rational. for analytical problems, mine has to process in a 56kb and a broadband speed in a creative, imaginative mind. but when i'm comfortable with a structure, it's all in a broadband speed. my point is i'm adjusting to this new place of uncertainty. </div><div><br /></div><div>if there's one thing i'm sure of is success. i should be.</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6012567466405192637.post-23253893192852997172009-08-11T03:06:00.005+08:002009-08-11T04:24:42.193+08:00after 4 weeksit has been a month since my graduate school started. getting nearer and closer to the end of the first term. i still am adjusting to the concepts and books that are new to me. for the first weeks in financial accounting, i was so clueless. i am like a kid in a new playground discovering untouched turf of her existence. managerial statistics is just like in college except now it's high tech. we use excel during the class and submit it to the prof thru e-mail. then business communication. it should be easy for me because i am a communications major but the prof seems like to make it hard on us. <div><br /></div><div>i met new people and chatted with some of them. some are nice and friendly. some are cute even. i had bonding/drinking time with some. so now i'm just enjoying and hanging on til the end of the term and hopefully really learn something from it. so yeah, what do you do when you're single and unemployed? take mba. lol</div>jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337279931830314095noreply@blogger.com0