awakening

2 pre-reqs and 1 core, done. this term i only took 2. an accounting subject and ethics which i know i will like, a socio-political and philosophical themed course. i wasn't supposed to enroll but i realized, hey, i have to finish what i began and i'm going to miss my friends or that friend. 

school has given me a sense of belonging. it's a totally different world like the na'vi of avatar. it's just that it's not alien creatures but you talk a different language and a certain wavelength which you will understand. i found my own version of jake that is only giving me nostalgia. when i withdraw, i don't know why but it reconnects. i tried to fight and forget but it keeps on coming back. i want to be free from uncertainty. but how can i do that when i breathe in the same space. somehow, i wanted to take a break from that world, to get away and forget. but as stubborn as i am, i did not. i vowed to never enter a guessing game again but here i am. 

work has been pretty hectic that i have undergone humiliation and embarrassment. i think it's part of being a newbie to an environment you are not familiar with minimal supervision. since it is territorial, i haven't marked that territory yet. i am not a big fan of pleasing people but now it's very clear to me that i have to kiss ass. in a corporate set-up where power is prevalent just like in politics, what can a new little girl do. it's either suck up with the system or leave. now i have to suck it up since i need to. we all have to earn a living anyway.

at the end of the day, i just want to be happy like everyone else. but how do we seize happiness?they say it's always a matter of the mind. but my thin-lined vein does not comprehend. i choose joy, according to Paulo Coehlo. only God knows where this is going to be.