positivity, work on me

i have to attract the positive. i think my life is in shit right now but compared to other people it's not shitty as it seems. i'm getting to my goal in losing weight and i won't be able to do that if i'm under the influence of pressure, physically and mentally. i'm back to school which i wanted even if i failed my recent midterms in stat class. it's really frustrating that my classmates are really competitive and are good about it. but what can i do, i'm not gifted with the dominant dna for the left brain. 

mine is on the right brain. so what a creative person will think and do is that there's always a way. i will pass all my subjects this term. non-negotiable. school is the comfort zone for the filthy politics and showbiz combined in a corporate culture. i feel that i'm done hibernating and i want my life back. i am so pressured to have that life since my mom is too much worried that i'm not working for myself. hence, finances can only last. 

i have predicted this moment months back. what if i resign and i won't deliver the task at hand on my family, i will go nowhere. and here it is. unemployed, dependent, emotional, submissive. the core characteristics opposite of me nine months ago. now i'm having anxiety. anxiety for things uncertain. my brain can't find the answer, when will i get a job and earn? or when can i have a special person to comfort me in times like this? adding the pressure my mom is telling me to quit school and do something else. she's always been the opposite. sometimes i don't know if she's thinking for my future or just acting on impulse which she always has been. my time is now. i'm an adult and i can think for myself. i hope she can understand that. 

i can't be negative today or ever. i will pass all my subjects, get a job, a boyfriend and be happy.