my top 10 songs of 2008

it's hours before 2009! this blog entry is inspired from judd's top 10 sports events of 2008. the lyrics of these songs related somehow in my past year. my top 10 songs of 2008 (in random order):

1. love lockdown by kanye west. i used this in my early blog entitled, do you remember your first? it's a song for someone i know.

Im not lovin you, the way I wanted to

What I had to do, had to run from you

Im in love with you, but the vibe is wrong

And that haunted me, all the way home

2. heartless by kanye west. another one from my recent blog... it's my song for me. hahaha

In the night, I hear 'em talk,

the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..

How could you be so heartless?

Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

3. go girl by ciara. i love cici she's so hot! and t-pain. i'm your go girl. ;)

Go-Girl 

I'm the energizer PlayBoy bunny, I keep going and going 

And you know it, that's why they call me 

Go-Girl 

4. just dance by lady gaga. my inspiration for my blog title. :) i love her super blonde hair! reminded me of my clubbing days in 2008! :)

What's going on on the floor? 

I love this record baby

But I can’t see straight anymore

Keep it cool, what's the name of this club? 

I can't remember but it's alright, alright

5. if i were a  boy by beyonce. it says it all. those damn boys. hahaha

If I were a boy 

I think I could understand 

How it feels to love a girl 

I swear I'd be a better man 

6. single by new kids on the block. they must be now the 'daddies on the block". hahaha but hey, they're hot! and yeah, i'm single since birth. :D

Pretty mama, if you're single, 

Single... You don't gotta be alone tonight

So while the DJ plays this single,

Single... Just pretend that I'm your man tonight

7. miss independent by ne-yo. i simply am. :)

Cause she walk like a boss 

Talk like a boss 

Manicure nails just set the pedicure off 

She's fly effortlessly 

8. one more drink by ludacris feat. t-pain. damn! bring it on!! hahaha

[T-Pain]

If I take one more drink,

I'm gonna end up f**kin' youuu,

Is that what you wanna do shawty?,

If I take one more drink,

I'm gonna end up f**kin' youuu,

You too!!!

9. that's what you get by paramore. love em! my song for well...

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore

It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt, so much?

10. t-shirt remix by shontelle and the dream. i love the dream. i don't have anyone's shirt though. i like it, it's sweet. :)

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you

Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

Taking them off cause I feel a fool

Trying to dress up when I'm missing you

Ima step out of this lingerie

Curl up in a ball with something Hanes

In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on

With nothing but your t-shirt on

heartless

what exactly is a 'special friend?' you care about this person. you're not friends because you do things what lovers do but you're not together. you're not just cuddy buddies either because you date. you have the hots for each other but don't want to be involved with one another. definitely no commitment, the only commitment required is staying true and honest with each other. probably you love each other but you're not just 'in love' to one another. you both date other people. the question is, how long will that kind of relationship last?

***

i met my almost ideal guy. it's so ideal that he's not the one. he has the looks, a major player, he's smart, he's not superficial, he's generous, he has big dreams, he's a gentleman and spontaneous but he's not serious to me or to any of his women. sigh.

a positive note: kanye is talking about a heartless woman. :P

season ender

it's 40 minutes before midnight until the last day of the year. i can't sleep. ideas flow over my mind. i have to write. so i stood up from my bed. sat in the dining table and started to type. i came up with this random list of the 2008 highlights of my life. some were happy while some are sad. some made me reminisce the past. so no further ado, here it goes...

--> back to writing

i loved to write. i only discovered this hobby and/or skill when i was already in college. i was required to do it all from feature writing, sports writing, formal essays, ethical views, film critiques, scriptwriting, copy ads, press releases to movie reviews and more. i liked every single of it. i had no idea why i took communication arts. i had zero concept of advertising, pr or integrated marketing communications. all i knew was that i can be a broadcaster with that course because that's always the impression. i just liked english back in high school over other subjects. i didn't like to compute complicated formulas or theories or knowing if juan's brother is twice as old as pablo's older brother jose. so i took the course. i enjoyed my junior and senior year because i noticed i nailed essay exams rather than those boring objective types. the pressure to comprehend a difficult complex question and answer in a most simple way was fun for me. 

enlightenment struck me when my philosophy professor who requires a weekly paper that serves as a take home exam commented. the book was "fundamentals of ethics" and had a summary questionnaires at the last part. every end of the questions were to give real life situations of the given philosophy or topic. that was really a good training to think deep. so this philo prof after he checks the papers, he calls the students one-by-one to give back the piece of literature for a private reading of the scores. one day, he called me and while handing my paper he said, "i like the way you write" and i said "thank you, sir." i was surprised because we were not chums in the first place and he never called me during class for recitations while almost all from the class were. all along i thought he's the prof who would not know my name if i see him in the corridors. but my scores from him were good. from then on he was my favorite. fine it's biased but he was the first person to commend me on that. and that was absolutely nirvana. 

a year ago, i was supposedly going to be a writer for a fashion magazine after my first year stint from media. i passed the writing test and fashion knowledge test. it was not easy. the questions were like, "what's the latest trend?" / "what did gucci presented this year?" / "what can you say about marc jacob's fashion?" / "describe supermodel petra nemcova in three words." etcetera. good thing i was up-to-date. the interview with the editor-in-chief was stressful. he really knows fashion and i can't make things up. i was on my way to signing the contract but compensation is important to me as well. at that time, i can't afford to have that job. i can't ask for financial help from my parents anymore. i have to stand up on my own and they don't also tolerate such. it was my dream to be a fashion writer but reality sinked in. though i didn't regret it, i learned a lot from experiences this year. we'll never know maybe i'll still do my dream. 

thanks to my sense & style writer friends, nicole and mark 

for hooking me up :) 

--> back to childhood

for the past month i'm doing things i did in my younger days. i went back to hongkong with mom, my first time there was 12 years ago. a lot has changed, the people and the place. we went to disneyland and see the characters live. and then my favorite holiday--opening gifts during christmas. and then the ultimate, for the past 2 days i was marathon-ing my once favorite anime, sailor moon. 

the tour group in hongkong disneyland

inside the cable car with mom

going up the mountain

in the avenue of stars

usagi and mamuro

--> on love and friendships

i gained real friends and user-friends as well. i had a really good friend until alcohol messed up. we can't be the way we were. i regret that. i learned how to control my emotions and think rationally at all times. i got the lamest excuses from the few men i dated. it's a learning experience.

--> on career

i got what i wanted and then completely moved on. 

--> the winner takes it all

of course, how could i forget my grand prize raffle item from tv5 launch event last july 24, 2008 at smx convention center. i went there harassed from work not knowing i'll win my beloved macbook air. the lovely simone cheng of hbo was the host and called my name. i screamed and all of my friends did. i was the envy of the whole populace that night to the point that people were congratulating me til the next event, the next day. it was crazy. it was the best and successful event for 2008 in media. they even had the group 'lifehouse' perform before their concert in araneta. i love it soo much. thank you tv5!!!

mitch, beck, la winner, yule, lalaine, rhonna, jay-p

------

come o ye 2009, bring me good fortune, love, health and luck.

wanted: hotness in 2009

everybody as in everybody is telling me to lose the fat. i'm thankful that some people care even if it's the freaking truth that hurts. sometimes i just want to have an invisible cloak so they won't notice me. i came to the point where i don't fucking care if i gain weight. but in this part of the world i am moving in, sad as it is, is an issue. 

i watched the movie, "my mom's new boyfriend" earlier starring meg ryan. she's an obese lady and is depressed with her single motherhood life. her son, henry, an fbi agent, will be away for work. so at the airport after seeing her son leave, she sat on the floor weeping with food all over her and when she's going to drink her cup, a man thrown a coin at her thinking she's a beggar. it sinked in to her that she needs change. after 3 yrs, when henry came back, her mom is hot. 

so back to me, how the hell am i going back to my once upon a time 36-26-36 vitals? i shouldn't view it as a struggle. it's going to be hard work, discipline and determination.  

i love her

here's the thing. for 2009, i need to change my lifestyle. get up early, go to aerobics class or run the treadmill for at least 30 minutes, do at least 100 crunches a day, then add weight-lifting for at least thrice a week. for sure i'll feel better and happier. my problem is, i just love to eat. i enjoy food too much. it's not gluttony but i just simply love good food. i should psych myself that instead of dining out, i should dine in to save money. this means lessen the alcohol, night outs and sleep early. i can't order my favorite cocktail drink anymore. shift to red wine or kurant (gin and tonic). go semi-vegetarian meaning i can eat anything except red meat. shift from white rice to wheat bread. etcetera. i know the works. i'm just too lazy. so focus on the goal.

          

doing the groceries earlier with the low-fat items in my cart is a big step. congrats to step 1. step 2 is implementing all that idea and step 3 is maintenance. i once became a southbeach follower that i made my own recipes til i got fed up. i didn't stick with step 3. why does it seem so difficult? someone told me to have an eye candy so i can be inspired. but i disagreed. i'm not doing this for anyone but for myself. i owe it to me. i'm the type of woman who just loves challenge. so 2009, game on! 

backtrack 2008

another year is on its way. time flies, really. i remember the year 2007 exactly the same day, i didn't know what was ahead of me. i resigned from a brief 2-month stint in a company and i wanted to go back to my first job which is media. at that time, i wanted to go back to my former work because the people were just so nice. but in reality, it's not that easy. i left and i can't just go back because i wanted to. so scrap that idea. the next step was to still be in the industry. i was interviewed in one of the biggest and competitor of my former but didn't like their terms. i was again interviewed to a smaller one but was waiting for a call. then suddenly got a referral from a former officemate to my present job a month ago.  

it was new year's and it only took 2 weeks to process my application. i thought to myself, am i that qualified or they just really need manpower due to the fast procedure. i think it was both. haha who will not forget the infamous question of the then head of the group... "if you're an animal, what animal are you?" shocked as i was i said pointblank, "i'm a tiger, smooth but fierce." the terms were okay. i was not another trainee and the salary package is at par. so i got hired the day before my birth date, january 21, 2008. it helped that i have friends from college there but the atmosphere was just different. every organization has its own culture so i had to adapt. i was like a foreign specie in a new habitat. it was really a big adjustment on the first month but the coming months i liked it. i liked my job. i had full responsibility as a media buyer. i now understand my job because in my former i had the great opportunity to learn the fundamentals but lacked the application. i was able to apply all that there. i then knew how to go around if ever there's a "sabit." the job description entails to be an investment banker, stock broker and an accountant all in one. 

i was really working. i was not anymore keen on parties, events, giveaways, raffles and vip treatments which i used to. i felt i got matured at work. even my behavior changed. my account demands to be the best that you can. i was so into work because it demands me to be. it's endless. i went multi-tasking to the highest level. it's like i was this whole different person when i was at work. serious, competitive, bossy, sometimes bitchy, negotiator... it's great that i was able to experience all those. it molded me.

there were cons as well if there were pros. it's the usual day-to-day agency life. you wake up, go to work with people you didn't choose. do client calls, have some PR with old and new suppliers, deal with finance people, answer e-mails, prepare lots of reports and clerical work for your superior to check. then have lunch with people you consider friends while others gossip about other people. it's like show business in a lesser captive audience and you're actually in the system ala matrix. and like in any corporate fashion, politics is simply clamorous. (it's now clear to me that i have experienced it, what my eccentric professor in art appreciation back in college was lecturing.) then after the break, you go back to work again. in the evening, i was overtime most of the days. well i go out after work but that was only once or twice a week. then travel home for an hour and sleep for 4-5 hrs a day. the cycle goes. i didn't see much of my family. that's why it was an issue to my mom. i was tired as hell. mom wanted me to just pause and think it over. that's when i decided to leave.

are you in the matrix?

the nice thing being in an advertising agency is its less corporate vibe. in media, it is corporate but not too corporate as our client's where it has to be power dressing or too less corporate and laid back like in a creative agency where creatives can simply wear anything. we can wear jeans but not shirts and flip flops. dresses too. it fits my personality really. i sure am going to miss the corporate drama, the fast lane life, the unplanned gimmicks of work friends, the streets of makati, new acquaintances, my pool of networks and my totally different life. i risked a career to be with the family business. i loved the fun, hectic and chaotic agency life. we'll never know what may happen in the coming years. i'm not saying i'm finally done with it. for now i am staying put to where i'm supposed to be. 

ideal somebody

okay, the title is "ideal" and according to dictionary.reference.com, it means 'a conception of something in its perfection.' but since there's no such thing as the word 'perfect,' i know no one is exactly this. i base my checklist from experience in meeting, knowing and dating men. holler to single ladies! 

1. looks - who doesn't prefer a good looking one? that person might be blind. i don't mind if he's tisoy, chinito or moreno. as long as he is neat and knows how to carry himself. nate of gossip girl is the epitome of the alpha male. but it's deceiving most of the time. and please there's no such person as nice. all have hidden bones in the closet. 

2. game - men loves to play. they are competitive in nature. that's why men are into sports not as much as women do. the goal is to score. so be the defensive player. know when he will be able to score. i used to play and i'm done with it. i want the real score. 

3. intellect - i love good conversations about anything. it doesn't hurt if he's well-read and well-bred. 

4. superficiality - there's this one phrase or comment that i'm keeping to myself that when i hear a guy tell me that, i'll fall in love instantly. it's something to do with not being superficial which most men are. 

5. generosity - i like men who are just generous. money can't buy love but it's the thought of getting someone this or that. 

6. dream - a person with no dream is dead-end. but that dream must have a goal for it to be implemented. 

7. honesty - i simply am that's why i don't need crappy bullshit. 

8. gentleman - i am fascinated how is it to live in the renaissance era where men practiced chivalry. but it's the 21st century now, i guess that tradition really died a long time ago. 

9. serious - it doesn't mean there's no fun anymore. it's more of the intentions to me. 

10.  spontaneous - in every aspect of the relationship.

so if u happen to know this somebody, i would like to meet him. :)

thanks santa

i just love this time of the year. aside from the intricate decorations in the christmas tree that i'm excited to do, i love the gift-giving spirit. as a kid, i never believed in santa claus. i always knew my parents were the ones buying the things i want for christmas. i knew that the fat old bearded lovable man was a faux. but what the hell, he brings goodness to the world and who am i to complain? :P

i find joy in giving gifts, wrapping it in a nice piece of paper or cloth to the point that i feel i'm becoming an apprentice for martha stewart (i used to watch that one time special and see the cast bitch around other people just to be her "apprentice"). does this mean i like domestication? true, sometimes it's just nice to stay at home and do crafts. sometimes. later in life i think i'm going to love stay-at-home when i tire being a bachelorette.

OR

i enjoy when people smile and appreciate my present whenever they open it. but the best of it all are the gifts i receive because i have the best ROI (read: return of investment) hahaha! i guess it really is like that when you're the youngest in the family. i remember when i was younger, i'm super excited to open the gifts because i knew mine was the most expensive one because i had the cheapest gifts for them. hahaha for this year, i got a red starbucks planner from bro, body shop make-up from sis, guess accessories from mom and a lil something from friends like purse, bag, earrings, bracelets. love it. :)

born lippy strawberry lip balm, the body shop

sparkle and shimmer powder puff, the body shop

sparkle eye palette, the body shop

i got the one on the left

guess charm bracelet

i got one similar to this

as our tradition at home, we give candies and cookies to the less fortunate kids who knocks at our door every christmas day. :) i feel like a kid again. don't you love the spirit of christmas? 

me and the city

it's the season again of gift-giving, parties, simbang gabi, reunions and balikbayans. my cousin susan came from sydney so it is my job to entertain and accompany her to all the cool hangout place in the metro. this week long fete started on a wednesday night when she came in town.  

wednesday. she stayed at greenhills so i told her to meet me at coffee bean and tea leaf, promenade. we had our coffee and looong chit chat that took for 6 hrs including our wine drinking at sofreh, a cozy persian restaurant we saw at g-strip. since i'm not really a greenhills-savvy kinda gal i called up my friend noel, who lives there and asked for a good place to have wine. he said chivs is a cool place but when we went there the place was empty at 6 in the evening, obviously. so we went instead to sofreh. i recommend to have a date there with all the cushions and stuff!

we're supposed to smoke shisha at sofreh but the we didn't like the flavors available

then failed to find one the next time

sofreh, greenhills

thursday night. i literally went around. went to taytay, rizal in the afternoon for a client service. after my off from work around 5, i went to robinson's galleria to do some xmas shopping. then went to metrowalk with my bestfriend oscar. he had dinner at bacolod chicken inasal while i was waiting for a text from my girlfriends. after an hour, i went to bargo, home depot, ortigas for our xmas dinner. i got my twilight book from grace! i am curious to read this book because the question in my head right now is that: is this another harry potter cult for kids or is the writing really that good that girls are so awed in reading it? i'll found out and tell my review soon. after our xmas dinner, we went to starbucks then around 12-ish i dropped by my former office at gamboa st., makati to pick up some of my stuff then went to bistro bar, palanca st., makati to see my former officemates judd and tina. then went ahead to see my cuz outside tabu, salcedo st. (because they don't know how to go around the streets of makati) to il ponticello, valero st. i didn't enjoy much at that time due to my exhaustion. then off home i went around 4am. 

friday night. picked up cuz from greenhills then we went to bonifacio high street and serendra. we were looking for a persian resto for shisha so we entered hossein, serendra but the waiter told us to go to the strip for it. we went to hossein, fort strip but there were no people! so we ended up with our cosmopolitan at the mint bar. we checked out pier one and piedra and it was full. all bars were occupied with xmas parties. then we were tired so she slept at our house, in my room. we had a good night sleep.

saturday. we woke up around 11am. after brunch, we watched the first episode of 'how i met your mother' because i told her she should watch the hilarious show and since we could never understand men, she'll know a little on how they think after watching it. hehe we met up with ate debbie at trinoma for lunch at cafe breton. i ordered a caffe mocha, i love mocha flavored coffee. then walked the whole day until our feet tired out. we pigged out at tokyo tokyo for dinner. we went home around 9pm and continued to watch how i met until we slept. it was fun. can't wait for season 4!

i so love himym!

sunday. tito vic picked her up. i rested thank God. 

monday. she had a qt with her man. and as for me, i went home and slept. 

tuesday night. i was driving at edsa after dropping my mom at trinoma which is way up north. i was on my way to greenbelt for the maxus' xmas party when she called and insisted that we have to meet. i was reluctant at first but what can i do? she's leaving on thursday. i turned right to greenhills and we had dinner at cafe ysabel at p. guevarra st., san juan. it's this posh baroque style restaurant near shaw blvd. i had a norweigian salmon steak which is around 488 bucks and it was hell good. from the kitchen of chef gene gonzales. his daughter and one of the owners, giannina, is a friend of my cousin's bf alvin whom i went out on a gimmick with a couple of times. it's another fabulous fine dining date place because of its seclusion in the city. their interior is a fusion of an old spanish home meets the palace of versailles. then around 9pm i left so i can go to red box. it was nice to see peeps from my old agency. i really felt their kindness and warmth. i also had goodies and giveaways like the shell ferrari keychains! i heart maxus --- the most creative media agency. i grew up there and literally had my baby milestones in media. (emo! haha)

cafe ysabel, san juan

we were at the 25th floor, philamlife tower, paseo de roxas

MAXUS, june 2007

now i'm sick from all the week's fete. haha til my next city adventure. 

do you remember your first?

i'm not loving you

way i wanted to

what i had to do

had to run away from you

i'm in love with you

but the vibe is wrong

and that haunted me all the way home

i clearly do. whether it be my first day in college, in driving, in setting foot to a club, in my first major presentation to a client or whatever.  it was my first day at my new work where there is no formal training and the most important investment i have to lay down is love. 

i grew up with the brainchild of my father as we are almost of the same age. he would always take me there on weekends and when i was already in college, he required me to have a summer job there. but the stubborn as i was, i opted to seek elsewhere after graduation. realization sinked in. i had no love for it before but now i do. my father was a visionary and his vision was right for me to take over. time can really tell that this is the right time. if only i could see him now. i know he is watching. so help me God. 

miss liberty

"Truth" (1870) by French painter, Jules Joseph Lefebvre 

it's a new phase in my pseudo-cinemaesque life so i decided to go back to blogging. for this year, i learned some, i lose some, i gained some. all some. i fell and tripped and then got back on my feet. i swam until i can no longer breathe but got through the land but it wasn't paradise alright... it was just an oasis in the sea. 

i expected my labor stint to be this long or short. i played the part like an actress in her award winning mise-en-scene. but i guess it is relative in people to always look for something rewarding. nevertheless, i have no regrets for the experiences i've done. i just don't get some works of God. then again, i have no complaints and only good vibes to share. 

on being a woman, i am physically and mentally. emotionally, that i have to check. haha it is true on the saying, "you'll have it when you least expect it." running into someone never in my wildest imagination is an attest to that. i always thought i am that vulnerable that's why i have this strong facade. but i learned the power of control. that everything is under one's control. liberating...

welcome to this chapter of mine entitled "miss liberty."