R.I.P.

is it the year of famous people dying? first, it's Farrah Fawcett, the 70s angel and sex symbol. 

then of course the very publicized death of the king of pop, Michael Jackson. 

then locally, the national icon who gave back democracy to the Filipino people, president Cory Aquino. 

then the young hollywood DJ known for having famous girlfriends and his one time band crazytown, DJ AM.

then locally, the religious leader of the Christian sect, Iglesia ni Cristo Erano Manalo.

then, the latest is the 80s dirty dancing king, Patrick Swayze. 

my mom texted me yesterday to pick her up from work and go visit our dad and her dad at the cemetery. since she wasn't able to go there last weekend. she visits every weekend. a timely conversation while paying respects at the tomb, i told her, "patrick swayze died today." and she replied in shock, "why?" i said "pancreatic cancer." then she said in sort of relief, "well... you really can't do anything about it." 

i'm relieved that she has accepted it after 3 years...

positivity, work on me

i have to attract the positive. i think my life is in shit right now but compared to other people it's not shitty as it seems. i'm getting to my goal in losing weight and i won't be able to do that if i'm under the influence of pressure, physically and mentally. i'm back to school which i wanted even if i failed my recent midterms in stat class. it's really frustrating that my classmates are really competitive and are good about it. but what can i do, i'm not gifted with the dominant dna for the left brain. 

mine is on the right brain. so what a creative person will think and do is that there's always a way. i will pass all my subjects this term. non-negotiable. school is the comfort zone for the filthy politics and showbiz combined in a corporate culture. i feel that i'm done hibernating and i want my life back. i am so pressured to have that life since my mom is too much worried that i'm not working for myself. hence, finances can only last. 

i have predicted this moment months back. what if i resign and i won't deliver the task at hand on my family, i will go nowhere. and here it is. unemployed, dependent, emotional, submissive. the core characteristics opposite of me nine months ago. now i'm having anxiety. anxiety for things uncertain. my brain can't find the answer, when will i get a job and earn? or when can i have a special person to comfort me in times like this? adding the pressure my mom is telling me to quit school and do something else. she's always been the opposite. sometimes i don't know if she's thinking for my future or just acting on impulse which she always has been. my time is now. i'm an adult and i can think for myself. i hope she can understand that. 

i can't be negative today or ever. i will pass all my subjects, get a job, a boyfriend and be happy. 

3-minute triumph

i had the most humorous speech ever. i've had speeches in the past during undergrad years in my communication courses and the one that i like about is the impromptu. earlier, i had my midterm exam at business communication. it's a 3-minute impromptu speech wherein you'll be given a shot gun random question with a 5-minute preparation for organizing your thoughts. basically, it's a test on how effective you are as a speaker.

i was number 22, a pre-selected order and of all questions, my question was, "what's the most attractive part of your body? tell us why." here goes my speech. 

"good evening ms. rex, good evening classmates. my question is, 'what is the most attractive part of my body? and tell us why.' but before i say my answer, let me ask you this, what is attractive? beauty is subjective. it depends on our preference. it can be a long hair, a sexy body, a beautiful face or a beautiful skin. but for me, the most attractive part of my body is my WHR ratio or my waist-to-hip ratio. (audience startled)

there's a formula for that! you divide your waist line over your hip line and if you get .7 that means you're sexy. for males, it should be .9. so how do i know all these? i got it from a good friend of mine. actually, he's outside, mr. alvin ang (a classmate who's next to go to his speech). (then everyone laughed) 2 or 3 weeks ago, i saw him reading a book and i got fascinated by it. so i borrowed it from him. the book is entitled, 'do gentlemen really prefer blondes? the science of sex, love and attraction." after reading the book, i computed my WHR and i got .7 so... (in a high pitch tone) i'm sexy!!! (everyone giggled) the reason why men get attracted to women with small waist and big or wide hips is that in an evolutionary and biological way, it means fertility and youth. for males, women get attracted to men from torso to up. (then i saw the yellow flag which means 3 minutes is up!)

so! to answer the question what is the most attractive part of my body? my answer is my WHR which is .7." 

then i went straight to the comfort room! when i got back, some of my classmates were appreciative and gave me congratulatory remarks. then i got the judged scores from the prof right after my speech.

criteria for judging:

content - perfect

organization - perfect

language use - perfect

delivery - minus one point

total audience impact - perfect 

with a total score of 99% :D

strengths (remarks): 

-insightful and informative

-attractive stage presence

-free, spontaneous and natural gesture

-expressive face

-clear enunciation 

-logical flow of ideas

-clear, distinct INTRO-BODY-CONCLUSION

the winner takes it all. bow. :)

holiday monday

what i don't do bores me and what i do exhausts me. 

can i just have a middle-ground for me to say i am satisfied?

doing nothing makes me sane and crazy.

sane for being too relaxed and crazy for thinking a lot of things. 

no man is an island they say but sometimes i am the island.

i can't wait to get out of this hole for me to be whole.

i can feel it nearing, sensing it already in my bones.

that is why i hate uncertainties. 

hoping for something not sure makes my brain tingle. 

but what can i do? 

nothing. 

history sunday

okay. i have awaken from my emotional turmoil. it's my hormone who is talking so yes, i'm back to my rational self again. i woke up, turned the tv on to history channel. i love history. it makes my imagination run wild. what if i was born during those times where there is no technology. i don't think i can live with that. i can't last a day without internet. it must be boring unless i was a royal surrounded by hot knights and noble men. okay okay. back to now. history lets you understand your culture and behavior. 

someday, i'll see those temples, pyramids, paintings, monuments and artifacts. i studied art in college and only knew about modern art through local artists. i have encountered the world's priciest pieces of art through projected powerpoint sheets. someday i'll visit louvre, guggenheim, van gogh, the met, etc. yes, paris and new york will be waiting for me. for now, i'm sticking to the tube where i can see those i can't see in live action.

just to be clear. i'm not in anyway related to history channel. i'm just a fan of them. :)

hopeless

why do your face flash before me?

quite do long for your company.

i can't focus when you're beside me.

it's very unusual for a confident lady like me.

i can talk vividly and spontaneously.

but with you, i can't speak of any.

sometimes i wonder if i should be thinking this.

and ponder on things like these.

should i continue and analyze?

for a hopeless case who romanticize. 

now, my world is crashed.

because i don't know which path to clash. 

according to adele, 'should i give up?

or should i just keep chasing pavements?

even if it leads nowhere?'

i don't want to predict the future.

for it is always ambiguous and unsure. 

but my spirit is anticipating.

for a love whom i'm waiting. 

imma rider

some things in life are free. or maybe it's because of my good social skills so i get things for free. last week, i got a guest pass at fitness first platinum with my new classmate because i mentioned to her to get me in and i was surprised that she readily asked me when she found out it's open weekend at her gym. it totally made my day. my first time to join body jam and yes, i enjoyed myself so much that i was at the front in that hip-hop dance aerobics class and used the haute bathroom's sauna. talk about abuse of benefit! 

with homeworks, especially in accounting, i ask my classmates to teach me or answer it for me because i'm totally clueless and good thing they are more than willing to help. and there are the birthdays that you get to be invited. just the other day, i had few drinks with my another classmate of mine at distillery and took free booze with her friends. i thank God for giving me the gift the gab and social trustworthiness or else i'm broke. 

i am in my most cautious financial life. since being dependent means being tied down with your sponsor which in my case is my mom, i have to live within my means. i've cut on going out and drinking which means a good thing -- diet and bad thing -- i don't see much of my friends or else my mom goes crazy when i go home late at night. my life's pretty complicated. if i do this, i'll end up having this and when i go that way, the result is that. sometimes it's lonely and sometimes it's ecstasy. but i'm used it to it. i'm a loner but a social butterfly in disguise.