hope. faith. love.

thank you 2010, hello 2011

2010-12-31T22:19:00.002+08:00

a few days back, i was quite hesitant and almost felt fear for the coming year. number one, i'm getting my quarter life age in a short few days. number two, everything is uncertain and number three, i ask myself, am i ready? but as minutes get closer to midnight, it gets a little exciting like an adrenaline rush on my veins. perhaps no one will really never know what to expect in life, so i must be positive and imbibe good vibes.

so now i have a concrete list on my resolution for 2011:

1. learn more and get back on art. i kinda lost track in 2010.

2. personal goal: project hotness. diet. exercise. detox. healthier me.

3. take more time to study.

4. master time management.

5. be diligent in work.

6. be more humble, kind, and patient.

7. expand horizons. be nicer and friendlier.

8. attract love.

9. less complaints.

10. be sweeter.

2011 is my year of progress. :)

i found it

2010-10-25T14:52:00.004+08:00

it was the first week of july, a year ago. i entered the halls of my current academy with zero idea what i got myself into. all i know was one thing, i had high hopes that my sun will be brighter. my very first day was a financial accounting course, people were very serious and very business-like maybe because it's the first day and it's an accounting subject. the second day was more chill, my business communication course and the third was statistics.

then second term went by and third term. not fourth term is ending. bit happy and sad. people who became close to my heart had to stop but i am happy that i gained new friendships.

i found great friends from those different classes and built good foundation with them.

it's also my 3rd month with my awesome job. i get commends that i look happier. i have faith that with all the hurdles, everything will fall into places. i am still on the search process of the other aspect of my life but i know this, i found myself upon getting back to school and mba gave me directions and opportunities that i never seen before. i practically fell in love with it. so far, it has been the best decision i've ever made.

go on woman

2010-06-29T19:58:00.011+08:00

being in-between jobs is excruciating pain. that feeling that you have no control of. i really have no idea what i'm getting into but i do know one thing, love... i just need a freaking job. so i'm going back to the one i first loved. i have this love-hate relationship with media that no matter where i go, i keep on coming back. i hope this time it works out even if the job entails contractual. i feel pressured that i'll be evaluated after 2 months. it's too quick to be judged. but hey, wherever we go, we are judged. i'm grateful to the people who knew me who gave me this chance since it's my 3rd attempt in that company. i took the bragging right and the offer.

then there is grad school that keeps me gay until lately. i wanted something that i cannot have. force cannot do it. i felt suffocated and my insides wanted to explode. i wanted to stay away, all the more i wanted to stay. i should have learned than undergo this vicious cycle. i have built a wall to protect my vulnerability and yet it was broken. now i need a fortress.

i'm the best actress. i just want to love and be loved in return ala satine and christian. who doesn't? no matter how many times i read 'he's just not that into you,' it still doesn't sink in. i don't want to be on the losing end. i don't want to be toyed anymore. i've accepted it, i'm just a pawn in the chess game on his cunningly brain. too bad for me that i like asshole men. i don't want fun anymore. i want the real thing. i cannot distinguish anymore on who is more confused, him, who likes chasing girls and keeps me guessing by being hot and cold or me, who lets him get me frustrated and test my patience and then buys the crap? i felt cheated with time wasted and actually think we're developing a genuine friendship. i was such a fool to think that i can navigate these feelings with a manipulative guy. i knew it from the start that it would end up something like this. i won't be played at. i have to go away before he breaks my heart.

letting go of fears, anxiety and uncertainty. i'm at this age that i want to be certain. i want something constant and stable. i want to be happy. i am surrendering to God and the universe. i know He has plans for me.

running away

2010-05-31T19:42:00.003+08:00

happy cells on the run! :) i have been running lately for my health and fitness. it makes me feel good. i have lost 35 lbs since january of 2009. it took me more than a year because of inconsistencies but now i'm more determined than ever to lose 15 lbs more within the month of june. yes. it's now or never. i'll get my slim body back. :D

figuratively speaking.. i do want to run away. when can i stay put and be stable. i know it's all in the mind but what can a spontaneous person like me think and do. for now, yeah i'll stay put and achieve my fitness goal and studies... :)

freedom

2010-04-21T12:27:00.003+08:00

freedom!!!! with that tune on my brain. yep, after a 4-month stint in a job that i wasn't sure of. they let me go which is good and bad. good in a sense that i learned to not get into something or settle for something just because and bad because my cash flow is running out. i used to think quick of solutions but when it comes to my life, it seems to be a staggering dilemma that only gives me headache.

a friend asked me for a career advice and i said that 'you should take risks because that's the only way you will know and if it doesn't work out, it's okay at least you know.' why is it so easy to give an advice and when it comes to applying to yourself it seems so difficult. being a corporate slave bores and ticks me. but i don't have enough cash to start my own business.

i have this mba friend who works for this big multinational oil company and graduated from one of the best schools and is paid well. i'm surprised that we want the same thing. i thought she's this corporate gal who wants to get up in the ladder. she wants to be a AB housewife with an ex-pat husband or some responsible rich guy ala real housewives of OC or NYC. it's a lame solution but if i given my situation now, i will definitely opt for it! haha

women are now trained and expected to work and help the family because of the higher cost of living. but talk about stress. i'm not a fan of it and it just makes me fugly. what i really want is to be a stay-at-home wife with a business. oh reality crap, i'm single. :)

awakening

2010-04-04T22:08:00.005+08:00

2 pre-reqs and 1 core, done. this term i only took 2. an accounting subject and ethics which i know i will like, a socio-political and philosophical themed course. i wasn't supposed to enroll but i realized, hey, i have to finish what i began and i'm going to miss my friends or that friend.

school has given me a sense of belonging. it's a totally different world like the na'vi of avatar. it's just that it's not alien creatures but you talk a different language and a certain wavelength which you will understand. i found my own version of jake that is only giving me nostalgia. when i withdraw, i don't know why but it reconnects. i tried to fight and forget but it keeps on coming back. i want to be free from uncertainty. but how can i do that when i breathe in the same space. somehow, i wanted to take a break from that world, to get away and forget. but as stubborn as i am, i did not. i vowed to never enter a guessing game again but here i am.

work has been pretty hectic that i have undergone humiliation and embarrassment. i think it's part of being a newbie to an environment you are not familiar with minimal supervision. since it is territorial, i haven't marked that territory yet. i am not a big fan of pleasing people but now it's very clear to me that i have to kiss ass. in a corporate set-up where power is prevalent just like in politics, what can a new little girl do. it's either suck up with the system or leave. now i have to suck it up since i need to. we all have to earn a living anyway.

at the end of the day, i just want to be happy like everyone else. but how do we seize happiness?they say it's always a matter of the mind. but my thin-lined vein does not comprehend. i choose joy, according to Paulo Coehlo. only God knows where this is going to be.

this thing called hormones

2010-02-14T08:08:00.003+08:00

i was undergoing depression the few days back. feeling like the universe is acting up against me. i wasn't happy at all. i felt like all endeavors that i do is a struggle. my life is pretty much complicated, i think. balancing work, school and life in general. and when i get criticized for something or feeling like a loss i feel bad.

i wrote a class paper about my enneagram, that being a number 3 when unhealthy, becomes depressed and withdraws herself from people. and that's what i've been doing. i pretty much stopped writing because i had to keep everything to myself. i seem to have it all but deep inside i'm broken.

now i don't want to hide. i'm embracing everything what God and the universe wants me to have and do and take it as it is. i know that everything happens for a reason with my predicament now. i'm at my job because for something. i'm getting my education perhaps to know myself and have a direction in life. i'm single because the best it yet to come. my family is on verge of the lowest of low because i have to be strong and mature.

this year, my resolution is to be more humble, continue search for peace, serenity and love. this year i want to fall in love given it's reciprocated. i don't want to repeat a vicious cycle that would only bring me pain. this year, i'll be a better person and this year, i will be fabulous. i will reach my target weight goal by march. this year is my year of blossoming. this year i will look more beautiful than ever.

i just found out it's my first day. ah this thing called estrogen.

bad romance

2010-02-13T23:37:00.004+08:00

it's hard when feelings is on its way

no matter how hard i try to fight and avoid it

it just keeps on coming back hungry for more

my wish is the happy ending

with a big uncertainty

how many inspirational books should i read

to get over something that's not even there?

when my vulnerability sinks in

it is always bad

i can't get hurt

i've been there...

times have changed

2010-02-13T23:02:00.003+08:00

yearly, i reflect on the past year that happened to me and try to enlighten myself with new learnings. and looking back at 2008, it was full of fun, laughter and tears. in the beginning of that year, i had the bomb. being a professional bum was the best. i mean literally, you go to sleep and wake up late, you do your heart's desire and sleep again. but it comes pretty boring and feeling useless. in the midyear, i decided to go back to school. met my friends, a crush, it gives my shiver when i'm at the campus. i'm my happiest. latter part of last year, toughest trial that my family has to go through. i thank God for keeping me and my family together.

my new project

2010-02-13T22:43:00.004+08:00

i read the idea from my belle de jour planner, to keep a positivity journal. so i'll start today by having my gratitude list. today, i'm thankful for...

- that job i have...

- being alive and kicking...

- losing 30 lbs from last year and counting...

- being able to carry myself in tough situations...

- fulfilling my dream which is studying master's....

- living day by day...

- finding time for myself even if 24 hrs still feels like it's not enough...

- having the energy to go back to gym on weekends...

- having surrounded by family, friends and of course God... :)

the queen is back

2010-02-13T21:39:00.006+08:00

why did i stop for 3 months? rewind.....

october: it is twitter's fault. i became so active there. then finals month from 1st term.

november: still twitter. start of second term. more hanging out with the boys. been in and out of the hospital because of bro.

december: finally landed a job. from all that excruciating dilemma of mine. lessen gimik. started to not eat but the holidays.

january: new year, new me. new resolution and dreams. oh yeah my birthday. surprised by my girls.

i vowed to be consistent in everything this year and this includes my blog. :)

little black immersion

2009-10-02T22:34:00.006+08:00

two weeks ago before all these disasters, i.e. typhoons, earthquakes, tsunamis seen at the asia pacific region, i myself was way up north in ilocos for a weekend road trip with strangers. yes, literally. well we came from the same school but i only know three of them and little did i know there were more males and the females. it didn't really bother me since i'm always up for something new and exciting. i felt like i lived in the big brother house with unfamiliar faces to share a house with. it was just three days but i learned a lot specifically with the male species from that experience.

there are lots of psychology books which i also read classifying women from men. but it's still different to know first-hand. i like to call it my 'little black immersion.' in an unfamiliar territory and people, i was on guard and quiet. i'm not shy or timid, i'm just observing the whole time. it's innate to me for people i first encounter with. you could just imagine the testosterone level in that kind of situation.

for the women out there, i'll list my observations on how the male brain activity works and for the men, some women are not dumbfounded.. just so you know. (lol)

-- men checks out women. from her face down. how she dresses. how she carries herself. no conversation included just by seeing you. and yes they do picture you naked. did it ever occur to you why superman has x-ray vision? the more flesh a woman shows, the better ogling for them. no matter what the girl looked like as long as she flashes cleavage or not.

-- during conversations over alcohol, if there is a thing called girl talk.. guy talk includes the topic of basketball or any other sport, girls, cars, sex, girls, politics, sex, fantasies (but that wasn't included because i was there), their getting laid style, porn-like strip club joints, courting style, cool dude movies, did i say chicks? haha

-- men are born competitive. they have to win. the reason why they like every kind of games.

-- speaking of games, they like doing mind games to women. they will never say it straight to the point.

-- the more competitive a guy is, expect that he's more likely a playboy. most men have this napoleon complex where he needs to conquer and a chick is his conquest.

-- when men get together, they see women as sex objects and testosterone level of the group rises having the 'i'm the man!' feeling. chauvinists pigs.

-- unfortunately, men don't mature. it's grad school for god's sake but there's no effect. most single men enrolled to meet other single or not women.

regardless of the educational trip, i enjoyed my immersion, being one of the boys.

R.I.P.

2009-09-16T14:05:00.007+08:00

is it the year of famous people dying? first, it's Farrah Fawcett, the 70s angel and sex symbol.

then of course the very publicized death of the king of pop, Michael Jackson.

then locally, the national icon who gave back democracy to the Filipino people, president Cory Aquino.

then the young hollywood DJ known for having famous girlfriends and his one time band crazytown, DJ AM.

then locally, the religious leader of the Christian sect, Iglesia ni Cristo Erano Manalo.

then, the latest is the 80s dirty dancing king, Patrick Swayze.

my mom texted me yesterday to pick her up from work and go visit our dad and her dad at the cemetery. since she wasn't able to go there last weekend. she visits every weekend. a timely conversation while paying respects at the tomb, i told her, "patrick swayze died today." and she replied in shock, "why?" i said "pancreatic cancer." then she said in sort of relief, "well... you really can't do anything about it."

i'm relieved that she has accepted it after 3 years...

positivity, work on me

2009-09-14T04:11:00.005+08:00

i have to attract the positive. i think my life is in shit right now but compared to other people it's not shitty as it seems. i'm getting to my goal in losing weight and i won't be able to do that if i'm under the influence of pressure, physically and mentally. i'm back to school which i wanted even if i failed my recent midterms in stat class. it's really frustrating that my classmates are really competitive and are good about it. but what can i do, i'm not gifted with the dominant dna for the left brain.

mine is on the right brain. so what a creative person will think and do is that there's always a way. i will pass all my subjects this term. non-negotiable. school is the comfort zone for the filthy politics and showbiz combined in a corporate culture. i feel that i'm done hibernating and i want my life back. i am so pressured to have that life since my mom is too much worried that i'm not working for myself. hence, finances can only last.

i have predicted this moment months back. what if i resign and i won't deliver the task at hand on my family, i will go nowhere. and here it is. unemployed, dependent, emotional, submissive. the core characteristics opposite of me nine months ago. now i'm having anxiety. anxiety for things uncertain. my brain can't find the answer, when will i get a job and earn? or when can i have a special person to comfort me in times like this? adding the pressure my mom is telling me to quit school and do something else. she's always been the opposite. sometimes i don't know if she's thinking for my future or just acting on impulse which she always has been. my time is now. i'm an adult and i can think for myself. i hope she can understand that.

i can't be negative today or ever. i will pass all my subjects, get a job, a boyfriend and be happy.

3-minute triumph

2009-09-10T05:42:00.008+08:00

i had the most humorous speech ever. i've had speeches in the past during undergrad years in my communication courses and the one that i like about is the impromptu. earlier, i had my midterm exam at business communication. it's a 3-minute impromptu speech wherein you'll be given a shot gun random question with a 5-minute preparation for organizing your thoughts. basically, it's a test on how effective you are as a speaker.

i was number 22, a pre-selected order and of all questions, my question was, "what's the most attractive part of your body? tell us why." here goes my speech.

"good evening ms. rex, good evening classmates. my question is, 'what is the most attractive part of my body? and tell us why.' but before i say my answer, let me ask you this, what is attractive? beauty is subjective. it depends on our preference. it can be a long hair, a sexy body, a beautiful face or a beautiful skin. but for me, the most attractive part of my body is my WHR ratio or my waist-to-hip ratio. (audience startled)

there's a formula for that! you divide your waist line over your hip line and if you get .7 that means you're sexy. for males, it should be .9. so how do i know all these? i got it from a good friend of mine. actually, he's outside, mr. alvin ang (a classmate who's next to go to his speech). (then everyone laughed) 2 or 3 weeks ago, i saw him reading a book and i got fascinated by it. so i borrowed it from him. the book is entitled, 'do gentlemen really prefer blondes? the science of sex, love and attraction." after reading the book, i computed my WHR and i got .7 so... (in a high pitch tone) i'm sexy!!! (everyone giggled) the reason why men get attracted to women with small waist and big or wide hips is that in an evolutionary and biological way, it means fertility and youth. for males, women get attracted to men from torso to up. (then i saw the yellow flag which means 3 minutes is up!)

so! to answer the question what is the most attractive part of my body? my answer is my WHR which is .7."

then i went straight to the comfort room! when i got back, some of my classmates were appreciative and gave me congratulatory remarks. then i got the judged scores from the prof right after my speech.

criteria for judging:

content - perfect

organization - perfect

language use - perfect

delivery - minus one point

total audience impact - perfect

with a total score of 99% :D

strengths (remarks):

-insightful and informative

-attractive stage presence

-free, spontaneous and natural gesture

-expressive face

-clear enunciation

-logical flow of ideas

-clear, distinct INTRO-BODY-CONCLUSION

the winner takes it all. bow. :)

holiday monday

2009-09-07T17:00:00.007+08:00

what i don't do bores me and what i do exhausts me.

can i just have a middle-ground for me to say i am satisfied?

doing nothing makes me sane and crazy.

sane for being too relaxed and crazy for thinking a lot of things.

no man is an island they say but sometimes i am the island.

i can't wait to get out of this hole for me to be whole.

i can feel it nearing, sensing it already in my bones.

that is why i hate uncertainties.

hoping for something not sure makes my brain tingle.

but what can i do?

nothing.

history sunday

2009-09-06T13:43:00.010+08:00

okay. i have awaken from my emotional turmoil. it's my hormone who is talking so yes, i'm back to my rational self again. i woke up, turned the tv on to history channel. i love history. it makes my imagination run wild. what if i was born during those times where there is no technology. i don't think i can live with that. i can't last a day without internet. it must be boring unless i was a royal surrounded by hot knights and noble men. okay okay. back to now. history lets you understand your culture and behavior.

someday, i'll see those temples, pyramids, paintings, monuments and artifacts. i studied art in college and only knew about modern art through local artists. i have encountered the world's priciest pieces of art through projected powerpoint sheets. someday i'll visit louvre, guggenheim, van gogh, the met, etc. yes, paris and new york will be waiting for me. for now, i'm sticking to the tube where i can see those i can't see in live action.

just to be clear. i'm not in anyway related to history channel. i'm just a fan of them. :)

hopeless

2009-09-05T20:48:00.008+08:00

why do your face flash before me?

quite do long for your company.

i can't focus when you're beside me.

it's very unusual for a confident lady like me.

i can talk vividly and spontaneously.

but with you, i can't speak of any.

sometimes i wonder if i should be thinking this.

and ponder on things like these.

should i continue and analyze?

for a hopeless case who romanticize.

now, my world is crashed.

because i don't know which path to clash.

according to adele, 'should i give up?

or should i just keep chasing pavements?

even if it leads nowhere?'

i don't want to predict the future.

for it is always ambiguous and unsure.

but my spirit is anticipating.

for a love whom i'm waiting.

imma rider

2009-09-05T19:34:00.006+08:00

some things in life are free. or maybe it's because of my good social skills so i get things for free. last week, i got a guest pass at fitness first platinum with my new classmate because i mentioned to her to get me in and i was surprised that she readily asked me when she found out it's open weekend at her gym. it totally made my day. my first time to join body jam and yes, i enjoyed myself so much that i was at the front in that hip-hop dance aerobics class and used the haute bathroom's sauna. talk about abuse of benefit!

with homeworks, especially in accounting, i ask my classmates to teach me or answer it for me because i'm totally clueless and good thing they are more than willing to help. and there are the birthdays that you get to be invited. just the other day, i had few drinks with my another classmate of mine at distillery and took free booze with her friends. i thank God for giving me the gift the gab and social trustworthiness or else i'm broke.

i am in my most cautious financial life. since being dependent means being tied down with your sponsor which in my case is my mom, i have to live within my means. i've cut on going out and drinking which means a good thing -- diet and bad thing -- i don't see much of my friends or else my mom goes crazy when i go home late at night. my life's pretty complicated. if i do this, i'll end up having this and when i go that way, the result is that. sometimes it's lonely and sometimes it's ecstasy. but i'm used it to it. i'm a loner but a social butterfly in disguise.

when great expectations go wrong

2009-08-31T00:02:00.006+08:00

there's a school of thought who says that you will get it when you least expect it and there's another one who says that you will get it when you always think about it to attract it. it does work to some material things. but to immaterial mundane things like love, it's not the case. it's not the world of star wars, love can't be forced and never will be.

my symptom of assertiveness and short longing kicks in. a spoiled brat syndrome who always wants to get what she wants. i realized that i'm only making myself suffer. hoping for something that's not there. every time. it's an old story repeating itself. enlightenment sinked in to stop. i should focus on the things that i'm supposed to be doing.

i believe in God's mysterious ways. maybe or maybe not he will give me this time. of course it depends on the course of action i will be taking. so i say chill for when it vapors, i'll be able to savor and taste that gift.

deception point

2009-08-29T20:31:00.004+08:00

disturbing. alarming. deceit. foolishness. are the words that i can only think of right now. i told a top secret to a considered good friend of mine because i cannot bare to not let her know since she can be involved in the future too and the exchanged confession with that man struck me. i knew there was something going on with her and him. i wasn't that blind to see. apparently their one time affair happened when i wasn't in the picture yet. what made me feel disgust is that that they toyed my innocence and naivete. we three would hangout and eventually him playing his moves with me and her pushing me to him. then i fell for him and her secretly hating me because the truth is she fell in love with him too. if she was a true friend, she would have warned me instead of forcing me to him and giving ideas that he might have liked me too. this all happened when i was new, chaste and pure. they were my demons playing angels in disguise.

there never was an intimate relation with him but what's most hurtful is the emotional. i couldn't bare to understand then why he won't pursue me when he already is and then he'll pull back and flirt other girls. now i do understand. he could not afford in his guilt and conscience to toy an innocent and pure. he didn't know but he tortured my feelings. but after all that, i have forgiven. who am i not to forgive. but i never forget. then i changed into some other person. we became friends when i thought it's all past and done. but certain cracks can never be repaired. i can only feel disgust for him now. i pity the girl he's with now who would not claim him in public because he took that girl from her lover. and the girl is guilty of that fact and could not bare gossips around her.

i'm glad that it all came to my senses. even with the guy who thinks that he's a conqueror and i was his conquest. and the man who won't commit and thinks that i'm just here waiting for him. like in a shakespearean play, they are all tragedies. i'm in mourning for having such bad relationships. and i believe in retribution. i'm impatient for not having any kind of romantic relationship but i think now God has his way to let me open my eyes that needed time. i'm praying that the next one to arrive is true and sincere. i'm done with deception, lies and false hope. this is how to learn it, the hard way.

emotion

2009-08-24T01:17:00.003+08:00

i have gone soft. i don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. i used to have a heart of a rock and known as the tough bitch/lady at work. but since i'm out of the corporate jungle for nine months now, my life stopped as well. i'm in this dreamy but in real life scenario wherein i don't have to deal with daily stress and have all the time in the world when before i had no time for myself even a second.

but i'm really bored now. i need to work and have a life and earn for a living. i don't enjoy dependency to my family. i'm now open for love and finding my one true love when before i reject the idea. i'm now more affectionate to others when before i don't care but only to my interest. i read a prayer asking the Lord to teach us to be patient and knowing that patience will prepare us when the right time comes. so i will keep this prayer until then but i hope it's not too far.

reformation

2009-08-24T00:35:00.006+08:00

what's the difference of change and pretentious? i've changed my ways and kept my year's resolution. my mom is a big factor in this whole thing. it's true when they say that 'mothers knows best.' she pulled me off when i was a bit astray. early this year, she talked to me and told me things that i should be doing and then she said, 'do you understand me?' i couldn't say no but it really was no. everything that she said was a blur. then finally it hit me. that's when i had the big twilight zone.

she said to me about normality in life. but what is normal anyway? for a liberal thinker like me, nothing is normal. it's just a standard set by society. but since i live in that system, i should abide. normal life includes finding a good husband to support you and a prim and proper lady should not be acting wild. i'm sure she's fully aware of my then activities that were all abnormalities at her sight.

it scares me when i get to hold of myself again and be independent and totally in control. since no one controls me, the sky is the limit. i wasn't ultimately bad, there was no drugs and violence involved but i am guilty of sex, party and lies. i never listened to anyone's advice and my mom couldn't control me for i am an adult. but the thing is i was not acting one.

now, i feel reformed. but sometimes i feel pretentious of having this image of innocence when i'm totally not. some friends who knew me in that crazy age, doesn't understand me. and asks me even 'if this is what i want?' or 'are you happy?' i feel i'm over it but sometimes i miss it. it's not as if i'm nearing 30s. but my point of view now is more of stability. i want a stable job which i am in search of and a stable serious relationship which i'm still waiting for. i'm done with everything short-term.

contemplation

2009-08-24T00:02:00.003+08:00

after 2 months of being at the graduate business school. is this really for me? is this really what i want? i think my life would be simpler and happier without financial accounting in a difficult level mode. i think accounting should be taught in simpler ways on how to count your money since we are non-accountants. it does help if the prof would actually teach. i should have listened to my friend to take another prof even if it's on a saturday.

slowly, i'm learning through self-study. i am frustrated for getting low grades in quizzes and homeworks. it's not my forte. in fact, it's my weakness. but it's not an excuse. i told myself that i am taking this to challenge myself into the world where everything is new and fresh jargon. so that i can strengthen my weakness. it's a challenge indeed.

everywhere we go there are pros and cons. and with this one, i have a realization about myself on how my brain works. well, that's every time i take a new job or career path. since i am right-brained, i realized that my left brain works through a process. i must get the feeling, experience and understanding first before i get to the analytical part. and when i'm used to that procedure, all is well. other people especially the analytical types, can get a figure or think of something logical right away. mine has to process. logical is not synonymous to rational. for analytical problems, mine has to process in a 56kb and a broadband speed in a creative, imaginative mind. but when i'm comfortable with a structure, it's all in a broadband speed. my point is i'm adjusting to this new place of uncertainty.

if there's one thing i'm sure of is success. i should be.

after 4 weeks

2009-08-11T03:06:00.005+08:00

it has been a month since my graduate school started. getting nearer and closer to the end of the first term. i still am adjusting to the concepts and books that are new to me. for the first weeks in financial accounting, i was so clueless. i am like a kid in a new playground discovering untouched turf of her existence. managerial statistics is just like in college except now it's high tech. we use excel during the class and submit it to the prof thru e-mail. then business communication. it should be easy for me because i am a communications major but the prof seems like to make it hard on us.

i met new people and chatted with some of them. some are nice and friendly. some are cute even. i had bonding/drinking time with some. so now i'm just enjoying and hanging on til the end of the term and hopefully really learn something from it. so yeah, what do you do when you're single and unemployed? take mba. lol

lovefool

2009-08-11T02:48:00.004+08:00

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that really deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

(anything but you)

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

*********

oh God, i don't want to end up singing and feeling this way the next time around....

that's love

2009-08-09T20:10:00.004+08:00

the priest's gospel awhile ago at the mass was about love. he justified that love from God is not literal but a figure of speech. he said that love can be felt from other people who cares for you like your friends. i believe i received this gift of giving love when i prayed hard for it. for i felt i was selfish from the past. i was at the church and while praying i don't understand what feeling it was but it brought me only tears. tears of overwhelm i guess. it's like the holy spirit embracing me. it was a good feeling.

it started my feeling of love and nationalism when cory aquino passed away a week ago. i read her in books. she was a president who freed my people from a dictator and so what. i was only a month old when all those things happened. so it didn't matter to me. but i felt the love of the nation when people rallied to her coffin wherever the casket maybe, moving or not. i suddenly became part of what they have called 26 years ago, people power. i now understand what it meant. people power is a belief with a common cause amongst everyone's interest for the common good. it's all about caring with one another and being responsible to your mankind. my mom went to the wake and she said that people are very nice and smiling to one another who are strangers. that's the perfect example of love to other people in a macro level.

another blow hit me about a personal friend around the same time. she had a traumatic experience and became sick, mentally. people message me asking what happened to her which i had no idea because she was avoiding me recently until i probed around what she has been doing. it's really painful to see a dear friend whom you are concerned about going through that kind of thing. maybe God made me her angel to help her reach her family and let them know that their daughter needs medical help, TLC and attention. since she can't do it on her own. i made out of my way to let them know and the family is so thankful to me. like what the priest have said, love is something you do for a friend who needs help without asking for anything in return. our relationship is a deep friendship and she was my cheerleader in my rock bottom. she openly say to other people that she loves me because she's that person. and it all changed. i have no access to her so it's time for me to be her cheerleader even if we don't talk. i may not be vocal but my actions and prayers are with her.

i have a hard time being vocal about love. even to my parents. i know that God loves all of us. so i'm praying and hoping that on the right time and His willingness, i will know how to say love to that one person who's coming on his way for me.

late bloomer

2009-08-01T00:11:00.005+08:00

what do you do when you need an emotional support from somebody and that person is someone who cannot give you anything? or maybe you're hanging onto the air? the answer is simply nothing. no matter how positive and hopeful i try to be, i still get knocked by reality with the feeling of lonesome. that's when i get closer to the person up above. maybe He lets me feel this way to call Him.

i'm the social butterfly trapped in her own cocoon. two or three years ago, i got shattered when i read a survey in cosmo the measure of success to a woman's life. it consists of two major points, career and love. i never knew back then that love is a measure of success. i grew up being career-oriented and dreaming of becoming wealthy so i can have a good life and that's it. i felt such a failure not knowing such. if only i have known or someone had preached me, i could have worked for it early on somehow or made it a goal even. but how do we actually work for a non-existent love? i blocked on my brain the part where i had unrequited loves. with an s. but that's what makes life exciting. you won't know what will happen if you don't risk anything. you have a plan but that is only ideal. action is constant and unpredictable.

i've sunken the feeling of love in the abyss of time. i am re-discovering that it's not love when there's no pain. i was so afraid of pain that it kept me from pulling back. but i have to conquer that phobia and go through life. so yes, i am positive. i now acknowledge that i need love from someone who i can reciprocate it with. i'm praying and wishful thinking for that person to come to me. maturity will really change your outlook in life. i think it's not too late to ponder on things like these. my life is just starting.

i'm on a high!

2009-07-17T09:50:00.005+08:00

no, it's not drugs... it's my first week at the business school and lovin it! business is in my blood. literally. from my lola's store whom dad and uncles used to work as a kid instead of them playing outside. all of them became successful businessmen. my dad's company was my playground when i was 5. and i thought then the name of the company was 'hello APT' because that's what i hear from the office secretary. fast forward to college. my summers are not spent at beaches and clubs but there. i was required and would negotiate my salary to my dad. i often got what i wanted as a kid but it takes strategizing and justifying to him. he's like a client that i had to please for him to give it to me. realizing now, i wasn't spoiled after all. he taught me how to propose and sell an idea. so it's already dealing and practice.

he loved it whenever i do negotiations with him. he really was a good marketer and see trends in advance. he forecasts goods and economies and would tell me. like i remember clearly when he bought a toyota vios, he told me 'after 5 years vios will become a common taxi car' and i said, 'how do you know?' he just said, 'just believe me, it will.' and it eventually did. and he has other business trend insights that he usually shares to me. little did i know he was already the VP for marketing in the corporate world then he left and started his own when i wasn't born yet. so he had two babies in 1986. me and the company.

i don't want to be an employee forever. i got that idea from him too. even my queen-tude. lol he was doing a project that was something big and told me, 'if this happens you will be the something queen and you will become a very rich woman even your grandchildren's.' then he started to get sick. maybe that was meant to happen because the project pushed through 3 years ago and it was really big but until now instead of profits the owners earned losses and still paying liabilities at taxes. still God is good. he had another option as a normal businessman, when he knew he won't take long. it could have been a good project for the both of us but time forbade. it's never implemented. so it's something i still have to do. i think it's my purpose in life to fulfill that agreement and that's what he wanted me to do too.

my ultimate experience

2009-06-28T10:50:00.003+08:00

it's ultimate, not frisbee. i said to a friend but she's stiff that it's frisbee so i just said, fine. it's been a while since i had any actual sport since i'm not born sporty anyway. the farthest sport i have is an indoor gym with a treadmill, a spinning class and a sporadic sparring session with a real boxer. oh, i was once into martial arts in my senior year in high school for the fact that i don't want to be bleached under the sun in a military uniform holding a dummy rifle and being screamed at by a co-student. and i want the real shooting range. so there i was an instant aikido player.

back to ultimate, it's like football, it's just that obviously you use your hands. you're in the field running back and forth throwing and catching discs. the objective of the game is to reach at your team's end zone to score a point. the only trick is that you can't run holding a disc just like basketball, you have to throw it right away. it's fun and really tiring. i get competitive and a perfectionist that i want to get the right form and stunts right away. but it's my first day anyway.

my father once asked me in grade 4 if i want to learn how to play golf. i said, 'no dad because i might get dark.' i have an under-the-sun phobia by having a fear of getting a darker complexion. so i guess i'll continue ultimate as long as my color hasn't changed.

conversations with a stranger

2009-05-19T12:51:00.009+08:00

i just had the most interesting conversation that lasted for 30 minutes. actually, the best and the worst conversation you will ever have is with a complete stranger. try being stuck with a person that you met for the first time for hours then just talk about anything and you'll be surprised. it may happen in instances where you're waiting in line or traveling or simply anything that makes your time idle.

the friendly character is always the taxi driver. i have a lot of tales from them that i can now write a book. they are the real gossip boys. not boy abunda. (lol) the worst one that i'll never forget was when i was on my way to makati from quezon city that usually takes 2 hours because of the traffic. it was the usual early morning to work except that i had a bad headache thanks to my heavy drunkenness the night before. so there i was, trying to get a nap when this taxi driver started talking about social issues that i entertained because it's normal talk and i don't want to be rude. then he suddenly shifted the topic to God and Jesus Christ dissing the belief of the catholic church. only to find out, he's a preacher of some religious orthodox as if i'm watching dating daan channel.

taxi driver 1: ..ayon sa sinabi ni hesus kay juan na nakasaad sa bibliya, itayo mo ako ng simbahan at ano ang ginawa ng katoliko?... (blah..blah).. mali ang interpretasyon!!!.....(more blah.)

me: (mute.)

it made my headache worse.

if there's the worst, there's also the best. as i was on my home from cubao that can only take around 30 minutes, i took a taxi. the taxi is old that you can smell the LPG from the outside.

the driver is the typical, wearing a plain white shirt that you'll know if he has not taken a bath when you enter the vehicle. he was thin, semi-white haired probably in his 40s. okay so i was stereotyping the person. until i asked if he has change for my bill and said no because he just gassed up with lpg. then suddenly we're having a conversation expressing our opinions about gas prices, economic state, political functions, international warfare, capitalism, government top secrets and other social relevant issues. i was in awe with this taxi driver with his intellect. it's as if i was talking to my sociology or political science professor. only to find out, he was a leader activist during martial law.

taxi driver 2: alam mo ba na ang oil natin eh hindi ini import? dyan lang yan galing sa palawan. hindi lang sinasabi ng gobyerno pero matagal na yan panahon pa ni marcos....

me: talaga ho??? eh di sana mayaman na tayo kung tayo ang nag e-export ng oil!! lalo na't wala ng oil mashado sa middle east.

taxi driver 2: kung sa yaman lang, mayaman na sana tayo ngayon! eh wala eh, nabubulsa lang sa mga politiko....

me: oo nga ho eh, na sa atin lahat ng natural resources....

taxi driver 2: oo nandito lahat... oil, semento, gold, tanso... eh anong ginagawa ng gobyerno? pinapa-manage sa mga dayuhan tapos sila makikinabang... (etc..)

and so on.........

i asked if he's still active and he said he stopped. i even asked if he is or was a member of NPA. he said no!! he just said that some of his friends became members because they were wanted during martial law. so i guess he's lying that he was not. he has a superhero syndrome that when they age, they retire and live a civilian life.

this is one thing i'm really interested about and i haven't had that kind of conversation for quite sometime now. so i glad i did with a stranger.

mommy me

2009-05-16T21:48:00.005+08:00

being a hostess for almost two weeks will tire you out. it includes entertaining, accompanying and treating your guests wherever daily. i wasn't able to do my gym regimen for a week and i'm now resting from fatigue. i had no me-time.

for those past weeks, i became an instant mommy of 4 equally playful nieces and nephew. you have to feed, play and talk a lot to them. adolescent is the formative years so i learned to share wisdom even if questions of a 7 and a 9 yr old are endless that you would want to give up. i sleep beside a 4 yr old or a 2 yr old which cries at night. it's really fulfilling when they appreciate the stuff that you do for them and tells you that 'you're the coolest aunt ever.'

i now understand even if i only experienced it for just a week. i don't have to give birth to realize the hardships of a mother. i salute the moms because it's the real hard work. i used to think that career and money are IT. or being able to purchase a vuitton or a louboutin will get me to ecstasy. i saw a glimpse of a different perspective in life that i didn't really bothered to look at. i'm glad i did coz it's now another option. :)

spotted: queen j

2009-05-11T10:53:00.006+08:00

wow it's been awhile since i have written something! family stuff made me busy. i went back to my hometown in victorias city, negros occidental to see my grandmom aged 86 and had to attend the celebration of my two tito's birthday in bacolod.

i feel so upper east sider with the party having a press release in the local paper and featured in the local lifestyle cable channel. this is IT. ;)

how to become jovial

2009-04-20T10:22:00.006+08:00

my day started so happy. :) good way to start off the week. i'll share my list on how to be merry.

6 simple ways on how to become jovial :)

1. have a goal on whatever. when you are nearing that goal, you are motivated ergo you feel instant gratification.

2. embrace positive thoughts. it will be returned to you. read: law of attraction.

3. grab the mic and sing your heart out. because it's fun!

4. do something physical. like dance or workout or yeah. lol that happy feeling secreted hormone called endorphin is a fact. endorphin releases when under strenuous workouts done in a long duration such as running, swimming, boxing, aerobics, martial arts and other ball sports.

5. eat healthy. it's also a fact that what we eat determine our mood. so eat foods rich in omega-3 fats which can be found in salmon, sardines and tuna and other fish. also beans, spinach, berries, skim milk and eggs are happy foods.

6. have a spa. take 15 minute of your time in a sauna or steambath because it increases blood circulation and detoxifies the skin making you glow. then a massage relieves muscle pain and stress.

with these, you'll be feeling great in no time. :)

after great pain a formal feeling comes

2009-04-19T14:23:00.012+08:00

by emily dickinson

After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

life is never fair. you get what you don't want and when you get what you want, you will want more. it's human nature. and it's crazy.

i've always used reason over feelings. but there are certain moments when your feelings overpower reason. by letting feelings win makes me weak. when that happens, i'm doomed. it doesn't matter if i have the talent to move away so quickly. i don't understand why it always have to be one sided.

stoicism made me live life. i've undergone different levels of pain but when hurt comes i become cold and numb. that's the key. i haven't really let anyone reciprocate my feelings. it's a self-defense to vulnerability. as what emily said, when in pain, first you chill, then you'll feel a mental numbness or stupor, and finally you let go.

serendipity

2009-04-17T10:29:00.002+08:00

i'm not superstitious but i love to read and follow horoscopes. but how weird what says about me today at astrolis.com....

You will be preparing for some upcoming time off by spending some time with a book on some kind of alternative medicine, holistic treatment, or searching the Internet for a good spa. You need to give yourself a treat and the time or money will soon free up for it.

what the hell? i did had a good spa yesterday and yeah i'm reading earlier something about herbal teas for health reasons and yeah i'm preparing for a trip to see my relatives soon. damn.

missing link

2009-04-17T00:08:00.016+08:00

why does everything has to be a yin and yang? can it just stay to the favorable part? in the dawn, i'm ecstatic and in the dusk, i'm down poured. a single word made my day bad. read: gossip. who doesn't love to gossip but when it comes to you it feels bad. especially when you are not there to defend yourself. i felt defeated in a war i am not present to contend.

it's about my former unhealthy labor, code name vogue. they have accusations. my first point, i'm not stupid and never will be. as far as i know i did great and do what should be properly done. i can answer any shit hole instantly but i'm not physically there and they don't have the right to reach me so the end result is a big puzzle. second point, i'm the apprentice hence my superior should know more and should have been reliable. but that's not the case. let's not wash off our hands from responsibilities. and from what i heard madam superior has no reaction because m.s. wrote about all the negative feedback in paper black and white so she can be safe and it's not her group anymore. wow that's the leader! my third point, could they just stop pinpointing whoever just because the person left and is happily living with her own life? the sad thing is it's the culture. it's not as if it's the very first time with what happened to me. everyone goes through it. sad sad place. whatever is there, it's the responsibility of the person presently handling it because it's her job. period.

i take good care of my reputation and won't ever enter a fight unfairly. there are certain people who are just plain rude and loves to pass blame to others when technically it's none of my business. i don't take the issues in my head because they are issues. it's like telling a news story with no confirmation from the subject. isn't that bogus? i'm the missing link to the whole scene and i'm untouchable. it's a done deal so live with that. i moved on already and i hope they do too. it bothered me how unhappy these people are. i just had to release this emotional distress so i can sleep sound and good. i hope they sleep well too.

back to basics

2009-04-15T22:31:00.004+08:00

whoever said that 'a picture can paint a thousand words' is a true wise man. in this technological era, photos can look as if it's not the authentic one. even my graduation picture is photoshopped with eternal youth.

so i give my standing ovation to french elle for putting celebs with no alteration.

monica belluci with no make-up on

they should have used the original one....

lola madonna

bring it on

2009-04-13T13:58:00.004+08:00

holiday is over. first day of work and my first triumph. i woke up really early at 6 am and jogged around the village for 40 minutes. it's a big deal for me!!! since for the past 2 weeks i woke up at noontime. hopefully i can keep going to reach my goal. so yeah, bring it! haha

i loved this movie when i was in high school when i did pep. hahaha

lady-in-waiting

2009-04-12T01:13:00.015+08:00

funny personality quizzes are very common at facebook and i just love to answer and waste time on them. it's the surprise result that people wait for.

so i took.. which shakespearean character would you be? drum roll.....

You are Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, of whom was said, "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety: other women cloy the appetites they feed; but she makes hungry where most she satisfies." -------- The original Samantha (of Sex in the City), your ability to seduce lies not only in your physical beauty, but the power of your will. You have no compunctions using your sexuality to attract those in power, not only for your own pleasure, but to protect your interests. But that does not mean your aren't capable of true love. Will your desires lead to ecstacy, or ultimate doom?

fierce! fitting for a queen. :D

i took this quiz inspired by the tudors. just finished watching season 1 and i swear i'd love to go back in time if only the royal men look exactly like them. i so love their costumes and i am fascinated how it is being royal.

yum!!!! jonathan rhys meyers as king henry viii

damn!!! henry cavill as charles brandon duke of suffolk

loveleeee!!!! pretty men is my weakness. period.

it won't be that hard to be a lady-in-waiting at court if they are your masters. hihi

optimism doesn't hurt

2009-04-11T20:40:00.010+08:00

i used to be optimistic at all times until i worked in the real world. i've undergone despair, sorrow, anxiety and stress that was ancient to my little sheltered universe. and yes, i lost optimism. it's true what sociologists say that you adapt and acquire certain behavior in the group you are closely with. as for me, i have worked with the anna wintours in the workplace and alas... it almost made me to be one. well i won't deny that i had the inner bitch in me but it triggered more there.

they say she's the alter ego of the devil wears prada's miranda priestly

since i left code name vogue, life is very easy. i won't regret ever staying and leaving. i had things that i come to know that i am capable of doing. i come to know myself more. i always like pushing myself to the limit. and it really pushed me to the maximum but had to leave anyway. now, i'm focused to myself and my well-being. so i smile and think positive. maybe that's when i'll come to know real happiness. :)

can't get enough of cici

2009-04-09T22:48:00.006+08:00

my inspiration in having a toned body. hehehe my gym trainer said i trimmed already.. around xx pounds more to lose. haha darn why is it so hard to stay fit? but i'm happy being a health buff now. can't wait to reach my goal! :)

ciara and justin timberlake's love sex and magic.. hot!!!!

never ever.. this is my current theme song....

ally mcbeal

2009-04-07T20:58:00.007+08:00

for the past few days, i just wanted to disappear for awhile by not being online and text up people because i felt depressed with this quarter-life crisis thing. then one afternoon, i screened over cable channels and got tuned at an old ally mcbeal episode then found myself laughing. i quickly searched for our dvd of full seasons and started to watch the first season.

i'm a dvd addict and could could watch an entire season in one sitting. but ally mcbeal's has at least 23 episodes in one season as opposed to the normal 13 episodes in a season (according to my tv production prof). i watched some of the episodes back when i was in high school which was 10 years ago (damn i feel old!) but wasn't able to follow. it was a huge hit then before sex and the city. realizing now that the content is mature for me before that i can now relate to. ally is a 28 year old successful lawyer who is never contented with her life and her idealism to happiness is by having kids with the love of her life. throughout the 5 seasons, it presented the different views and levels of love, friendship, dating, and relationships.

coincidentally, a friend of mine who is near her late 20s who is in a relationship told me that having one is not the key to happiness and i agreed. it's not the objective of happiness. it adds color to your life by bringing emotions of joy and pain. the true key to happiness is being content. ally is a clinically depressed woman with her funny hallucinations because she's never been contented with her life, in or out of a relationship. that's my nirvana.

the childhood sweetheart of ally, billy whom she followed through law school and found him as her married co-worker. they became good friends but he passed away in season 3.

the funny john cage dance of barry white song

the best season for me would be season 2. ally had closure why billy broke up with her in college and her friendship deepened with the rest of the characters. there are setbacks though in the latter seasons. there's no continuing story of some characters why they were gone and the last season is too fictional having a 10 year old daughter genetically through fertility project. i most liked the script and tone. their conversations are very witty and intellectual. in the end, she didn't get the love of her life to a man but to her daughter. she moved from boston to new york analogous to moving on with her life and hopeful with love. :)

love your planet

2009-03-29T14:54:00.006+08:00

my family cooperated with the Earth Hour that i didn't even know of that it was last night! but we did anyway closed our lights at home. it's supposed to make a stand against the effects of global warming. i am totally affected by it due to the weather change. it's supposed to be summer now and it keeps on pouring every afternoon for the past few days. so the effect on me is my dry cough which is grueling to my throat. :(

here's the official video from earthhour.org :)

i found at youtube on Earth Hour 2009 Philippines. the post result. :)

it just feels good to be socially aware and show that you care.

spot the difference

2009-03-28T14:20:00.004+08:00

complex magazine april/may 09

"So what: I have a little cellulite. What curvy girl doesn't!? How many people do you think are photoshopped? It happens all the time! I'm proud of my body and my curves and this picture coming out is probably helpful for everyone to see that just because I am on the cover of a magazine doesn't mean I'm perfect." -- Kim Kardashian

amen to that. it's not a little cellulite dear but i still commend you for your insights. i have a lot of that hahaha (fine i'm working hard on it!).

pinay dreamer

2009-03-27T18:45:00.005+08:00

got this idea from my friend ana... as i was saying to another friend.. we just live once in a lifetime so you might as well set your goals high that even if you were not able to reach it, at least you will get something close to that.

10 things i should have before 30:

1. own a business

2. million pesos savings

3. poledancing expertise and stayed being fit

4. my own pad

5. upgraded my car

6. a french speaking tongue

7. cooked meals

8. lived in a foreign country

9. own a designer wardrobe

10. tied the knot

i recommend you to this as well regardless of your age now just replace the number. it's fun! :D

my instant generation

2009-03-26T23:38:00.010+08:00

have you even heard of 'generation y?' cool-sounding huh? next to the spice girls' pepsi jingle 'generation x.' as my intuitive self, i searched for it at wikipedia and says that this is the generation that were born from 1978 to 1995. it also described that:

The Generation Y are sometimes called the "Trophy Generation", or "Trophy Kids,"[15] a term that reflects the trend in competitive sports (as well as many other aspects of life) where "no one loses" and everyone gets a "Thanks for Participating" trophy. Although it seems that this educated, technologically advanced, success-driven generation would be ideal workers, corporate Human Resource (HR) departments are reporting the opposite"[15] Some employers are concerned that the members of Generation Y have too great expectations from the workplace and desire to shape their jobs to fit their lives rather than adapt their lives to the workplace.[16]

-- from wikipedia.com

true enough, as the youngest in the brood and having a huge generation gap, the members of my family thinks that my job duration is bad by not sticking for more than one year which is most common in my generation. they are not aware of this 'generation y' thing that we were brought up in school where teachers taught us to be successful when you want to even as a kid. as the budding of technology arises, everything is instant. instant messaging, instant call, instant oatmeal, instant noodles, instant sandwich from fastfood chains, instant search through typing without checking the library and everything else. ergo, my generation wants everything instant.

that's why most of us are frustrated when we can't get something right away because we're living in a world where everything is accessible. there are a lot of things that i want to do and still can't figure out which. there are so many doors to choose from. even in relationships and dating. we choose based on looks, personality, wit, etc. having a criteria and having so many options.

sometimes i wish i lived during the renaissance so i don't have a hard time choosing where everything is set on who to marry, what you will become in the society, what your leisure will be, etc. men and women through ages fought for change, rights and freedom. but at this point in time, i can feel the very con of too much liberty.

snoop kitty

2009-03-25T22:07:00.006+08:00

when it comes to privacy... when and how is enough? i know celebrities, politicians or whoever made the headline always cries for it and hated paparazzi. unless they wanted the attention like paris or those who would pay in hollywood for them to get photographed and be in the tabloids. and now it has evolved if you wanna be in-the-know. the thing i can't live without next to water, the net.

a lot of stuff are going on since people really are individualists. lots of blogs and social networking popped like mushrooms. in my home for example all of us are online in real time having our own laptops or pc's and doesn't talk to one another. we just chat. sites like friendster, facebook, multiply, twitter or what-not can be a good and bad thing. i come to communicate again with long lost friends and acquaintances. i confess that i stalk people there and i'm sure some also do the same thing. but i don't like letting the whole world know what's going on with me. i need privacy.

i learned to set my facebook account's privacy setting where whatever i type on my wall will not be published or other details. i'm relieved that i do have control over what to publish or not. i love to surf and read everything i see interesting. then came google map. like a scene in james bond where they would use the satellite feed to find a wanted man. then i came across wikimapia. i am amazed how i can view the globe in top view, again like a sci-fi/action film. i naturally searched to see my own home and how i'm surprised to know. someone tagged my house with a caption of my name. it's really really creepy even if that person doesn't mean harm but the thought that anyone can find my location is way scary.

something like this at wikimapia

it's overboard that you can't even delete it. there's even a link for the 'deleted places' and you will still see the tags. some people even upload their pictures and know their locations. i don't mind if other people like it because it can be used for good then again for bad. tagging my house is snooping and i have a right to my privacy.

what crisis?

2009-03-22T17:07:00.042+08:00

crisis. a word that is so common today. recession in a lot of first world countries is going on because of the affluent's high maintenance of their lifestyle like a king in a third world using maximum credit bills who doesn't pay on time. it's a domino effect since we live in a global village.

here in my third world, nothing exaggeratedly changed. except for those who work overseas or those who enslave themselves for multinational ones. last that i know of around november 2008 when i was still in advertising, studies shown that nearly 80% of 88 million people in the philippines are considered poor. meaning they are those who live in the provinces and slums. we are used to being poor and i thank God that at this time and age, poverty saved us from the rest of the world.

my family's small business was affected by the asian economic crisis in 1997 since we import goods from hongkong who imports from japan. to the point that we are still struggling to come back to its prime. we roughly lost around php 17,000,000.00 ($ 6.8M). at that time, it was big. i was living a princess' life in an underdeveloped country until we're hit by the crisis. my dad provided me with everything and spoiled me from all the material luxuries and lifestyle a girl can have. then as the years progress, we never felt we lost that hard because my dad was a very jolly person. i never felt it. although we had to cut back on buying things and lessened our dining out and shopping. we grew up okay but i sometimes wonder what if that crisis never happened. could i had the chance to study abroad or yearly vacation overseas. hence, my parents did provide me well. of course, it's not all about the money.

lately i've been contemplating about a lot of stuff. am i actually in a quarter-life crisis? so i typed in at wikipedia and found a checklist.

on emotional aspects... characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level -- check
frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career -- check, check, check
confusion of identity -- oh i very much know myself
insecurity regarding the near future -- check
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals -- check
insecurity regarding present accomplishments -- nah im proud of it
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships -- check. you really don't know who are sincere versus the plastics until you really get to know them.
disappointment with one's job -- uber check
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life -- check. maybe that's why i want to take my mba.
tendency to hold stronger opinions -- check. i'm just opinionated with almost everything.
boredom with social interactions -- not with social interactions. i'm just way bored.
loss of closeness to high school and college friends -- i stay in touch with very few selected ones. hi to my college friend maan who said she's an avid fan of this blog. :)
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.) -- so check
loneliness -- check.....
desire to have children -- check. omg.
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you -- i don't care about other people's business

i agree in 11 out of the 16 statements. so i am and i don't know the cure. i am praying that i'll get over this and pick up the little pieces for it to be whole again. to those who pretty much feels the same way, pat your shoulders from me, i know it'll be alright. :)

"if i was a rich girl.. no man can test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end cause i'd have all the money in the world if i was a wealthy girl.." -- gwen stefani

love thyself

2009-03-16T23:33:00.004+08:00

how far will one person go in the name of beauty? well one, you must have money. the sessions are quite expensive. i was offered a cheap liposuction but i never liked the idea to go under the knife and i'm afraid of not needles but the surgery. i'd rather pay for the pricey laser treatments than that. then again it's a matter of the moolah which i barely have.

i have insecurities in my body, of course i'm a woman. but i don't feel bad about it. i wish it were like this or that but i'm okay with it. i eat sweets and other junk food and then make sure to burn it all in an hour of grueling sauna-like bicycling room. i'm stepping up the challenge to myself to do again the phase 1 of southbeach diet which i've been prolonging to do. it means no carbs for 2 weeks which will make me hot-tempered and hot-headed. it's going to be a detox and a withdrawal syndrome when you take away the sweets away from me.

oh sugar and starch, i have to avoid you for 2 weeks for me to achieve my goal. the anticipated result is for me not to crave for you. synonymous if i want to forget somebody. it just takes time. but i'm sure of the end result... hell great.

philippine islands

2009-03-15T20:40:00.018+08:00

singing *it's getting hot in herrreee* from nelly's famed song years back. yes, it's getting hotter and hotter in my beloved country specially the months of april and may. people flock to the beaches and getting ready to show off their toned bodies. due to the more than 7000 islands in the philippines, there are so many places i still haven't seen since i grew up in the city.

the most famous is boracay island in aklan because of it's white sand beaches and parties with clubs and bars at the stretch of the beachfront patterned after bora-bora, ibiza.

this is where i last stayed and i loved it so much because it's beachfront

there are many beautiful places to go to and here is my top destination list that i have yet to see:

>> amanpulo resort at pamalican island, palawan --- it's part of the aman luxury resorts worldwide and rumored that tom cruise and other hollywood stars had been there. such an irony that locals have to pay in dollars and a lot cannot afford to step in this island. must be really heaven.

amanpulo

>> panglao island, bohol --- another white sand... i'd love to swim here.

eskaya resort beachfront

>> mactan island, cebu --- it is said that the europeans back in the 1500s first stepped here.. the legendary ferdinand magellan. so now it's known for it's luxury resorts.

the only hilton cebu resort and spa

>> camiguin island, mindanao --- i'd love to go back to camiguin. the last time i was here, i really appreciated mother nature for giving such lovely place.

this is called the white island

you can only see it whenever it's low tide and back to the sea when it's high tide

katibawasan falls

i remember swimming here and it's so beautiful

for more visual pleasure check these out! :D

commercial shown in cnn 3 years back

wowphilippines 5-minute avp

i quote: "we're oriental and western too.."

so true.. a melting pot of malay, chinese, american, spanish and japanese cultures. that's the filipino culture.

beauty special

2009-03-13T23:33:00.013+08:00

as a young single woman who is still knowing herself, experiments with dating and struggles with her career, wonders... what really makes a woman happy and content? is it her status in life or having a love in her life or is it settling down and have a family? they say you must have both, the career and love. but what about those who just have one out of the two or none at all just because they opt to.

i blame it not on the alcohol but on the hormones for being happy and sad. there are days when i feel i'm so glee about nothing and there are depressing days when sudden attacks of loneliness occur. one day, a friend sent me an e-book entitled, 'how to find your one true love' by bo sanchez who happened to be an ex-priest who got married. since i like to read self-help (because yes, i do need help! lol) and relationship books, i quickly started to read it. he said a lot of tips and advices and what i became most interested is the chapter entitled "be attractive."

attraction secrets from a guy's point of view (from 'how to find your one true love' by bo sanchez)

1. feel you're beautiful

-- it's true that whatever you project happens. so you might as well promote a positive one about yourself.

2. don't hide your sexuality

-- it's human nature. just sing the song, i got it from my mama! haha

3. be happy

-- it just means be contented with what God gave you and read: law of attraction. ;)

4. be friendly

-- smile is the word

5. be humble

-- as what the lady on the radio said about her user-ex, "shempre di mo naman pwede sabihin sa lalake na mayaman ka!" ("of course you can't tell a guy you have more money than him!") hahaha

6. be affirming

-- ergo, he must feel like a god hahahaha

7. be modest

-- don't look like a slut when you're walking at the mall lol

8. be yourself

-- stay normal to your crush. if he likes you no ifs and buts :)

9. be pretty as you can be

-- take time to go to salons, get your hair done or eyebrows... just don't overdo it. it doesn't mean you have to be vain or narcissist, it's caring for yourself. :)

personal beauty has been my quest since i was little. my family used to tease me that i looked like a duck ergo an ugly duckling. i was white as pale, thin and bony with huge lips, flat nose with no eyelids because of my asian chinky eyes. until i grew in my high school years literally and figuratively. i became way chubby as in fat but i didn't bother because i had always been confident. i think i was cute anyway. while my then friends were having boyfriends and having adventures, i didn't care at all. i just became conscious when i was already in college. grew my hair long, went to gym, went on dieting and my body coordinated by having curves and my face developed as well and alas, ugly duckling no more. i'm not glorifying myself because i've always believe that beauty is subjective and my point here is... beauty is something you work for and look after.

dove real beauty campaign - evolution

i was so awed when i first saw this two years ago and still am :)

there are days when women feel they are very pretty and very ugly. it's not insecurity from the models on the magazines who are made up by beauty experts or the surgically enhanced ones, it's just normal. i have no judgement for people who go to cosmetic clinics, if it boosts their confidence then why not? and the fact that they can pay! heck if i had the money i'd definitely go to one.

a year ago, i totally forgot to take care of myself. i ate junk food whenever i was stressed which was most of time. i partied and not get enough sleep to forget about my grievances and so i can to let loose. i had a lot of excuses to exercise. it came to a point that my good friends honestly told me to keep off the weight and bad frenemies who talk behind my back gossip on me getting fat.

basically, i neglected my well-being. it only sinked in when i saw a post-christmas picture of me tagged by a friend at facebook and hell shocked i was. so i told myself, i need to act fast. and now, i'm working on it although it's really a sacrifice and meant to change my lifestyle. but boy, i sure am glad i did made the choice.

nail art

2009-03-12T14:47:00.013+08:00

i remember my art appreciation professor asked us in one of her lectures, what is the difference of an art and an artist? it is always subjective. for me, it's art because it has design, color combination and can caught someone's eyes. ancient people have blotted ink on their skins to show manhood or what we call tattoos. women love painting their nails until nail art became commercially available.

but what really caught my attention to this person who has "art" on the nails is, wait for it... a taxi driver. with a flower icon on all of his nails. i never thought he was a she until after. when i saw this driver with hands on the wheels with a dainty nails, it made a smile on my face.

3d acrylic design

i go to salons to have one. what i usually do is the printed nail art where you place your hand to a nail printer (from cambodia) and voila, instant art! it's fast and less cheaper but a side of the nail can sometimes not be scanned so it leaves a space. just like when you are printing a paper. for an intricate art, it's better to have it done by a trained person.

with swarovski crystals

it's so pretty... i'm in love!

i saw in the news just a month ago that in the middle east they are in need of 1,000 nail technicians since arab women are fully clothed only showing their eyes and hands. that's why my old threading lady is now there because arab women are addicted to eyebrow threading. since that's the part of their face that can be shown and attract men.

it can be from the most simple streak to complex themed ones...

japanese inspired

garden theme

musician theme

orchid theme

but this one is overly decorated i guess for competition purposes. i have to get my nails done soon! :)

act one

2009-03-04T22:30:00.028+08:00

i love the movies. but before the technology was built for filmmaking, the artists can just do plays. after i took communication arts, i realized that it was really right for me. it honed my artistic knowledge and skills from writing, shooting, acting, editing, etc. which we all do in my course. i've done films, plays, documentaries and even broadcasted myself in radio and tv in the academe. i apply all the things that i've learned from school. it's a lifestyle.

the other day, i anticipated the oscar awards as i myself is marathoning the films casted this year. "the musical is back!" shouted by the debonaire host of the recent awards, hugh jackman. it's my first time to see him sing and dance, and boy he was good!!!

hugh's opening act commending the nominated films

he got a standing ovation. bravo!

honoring the musicals in movies in this segment

i know that his roots is in the theater so i searched for him in youtube. apparently, he had a performance in the tony awards.

the boy from oz perfomarce

he's so gay here! hehe

nice one

i have my fair share of doing the musicals! i portrayed as ursula in little mermaid the musical for my theater class's final exam. (yes that's how we do our finals, perform and deliver. :D) i changed my version of ursula as the seductive and pretty villain. hahahaha :P i got an A score and it was so fun to do! :)

my favorite musical is moulin rouge. all the elements are there.

the break up song of christian and satine

i still feel like crying every time i watch this *sniff*

after the success of the movie, chanel no. 5 came up with a 2 minuter commercial ala-moulin rouge. it was reported that nicole didn't like to do it and she did it in the end only because baz directed the material.

nicole kidman with the hot guy named rodrigo santoro

i adore baz lurhmann! the man is a genius. the same director of romeo and juliet starring leo di caprio and claire danes whose dialogues are the poetry of shakespeare set in a more present time. who directed also the oscar performance, "the musical is back."

let's play spot the difference. haha check out this local tvc patterned from chanel no. 5 tvc. tsk tsk...

local superstar judy ann santos for fitrum

does it ring a bell? hehehe

local host/actress/ex-president's daughter kris aquino for casino femme alcohol

this is sooo obviously second-rate trying hard copycat..

another musical i love.....

the cell block tango in chicago

the women explaining how they got into jail. winner!

but the most fun of all....

mamma mia!!! the winner takes it all clip

meryl streep is really the best actress and it's a feel good movie

did i mention i love the musicals? :)

girl power

2009-03-03T15:26:00.023+08:00

as a little girl, i have always been fascinated with the hot chicks kicking ass. they scream women empowerment and as a female viewer it feels good. growing up i value the rights of and for the women. and i'm glad that today it is somewhat evident. so for my viewing leisure, i loved those action-packed female characters in tv and the movies.

first was the ever cute sailormoon/princess serenity who fights for love and justice.. ;)

the moon crystal power

then came the warrior princess....

xena (ang bruskong prinsesa hahaha)

me and my dad were followers every week!

then portrayed by jennifer garner...

as sydney bristow in alias

the spy agent chick who trots around the globe and disguises each mission

and yes she can speak any kind of language

as elektra in daredevil and elektra

then found her a daredevil husband named ben affleck

the iconic wild-child turned humanitarian angelina jolie...

as lara croft in tomb raider 1 & 2

rumors say she's not going to do the next one since she's a mother now

as jane in mr & mrs. smith

that got brad pitt smitten :D

as fox in wanted

still looking glamorous in this frame

her best line: "shoot the target."

another fabulous actress who do villain and action flicks really well, uma thurman...

as the seductive poison ivy in batman and robin

as an assassin called 'the bride' in kill bill volumes 1 & 2

as g-girl in my super ex-girlfriend

she'll use her powers when she gets mad

my favorite british heroine, kate beckinsale...

as selene in underworld series

and my favorite fight scene of all time...

princess nefertiri and anck su namun in the mummy returns

it's the ancient cat fight! haha

all these characters have masculine side because they are strong and powerful but still in touch with their femininity needing a man to protect them. aww. *sniff* haha

i'm just not that into you

2009-02-22T14:49:00.011+08:00

when the book 'he's just not that into you' came out, i borrowed one and eventually bought one after. it made me realize that most women are just so clueless. hopeless romantics who decode every thing a guy does for them means something more or a giveaway signal. i was a victim hence i'm not a cynic because after reading it, it made my whole dating perspective in a different level. when you're out there in the field, it's good to have a strategy and not fall for the traps. my end point: just have fun and don't think about what-ifs.

i watched the all-star cast movie and i found it good. since the book is just in a q&a format categorized in a more likely topic, the movie is about the intertwining characters' dating and romantic lives. i like justin long's character, alex, having the persona of the author in the book (greg behrendt) who advices this dumbfounded girl, gigi, on her dating life with men and tells her the scenario that "he's just not that into you." it's true what alex said that "you should think like me." each characters have different ending both happy and sad just like any other person.

my advice is: think like a guy.

"Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out." - greg

i found a summarized list from therulesbook.com from a different author/dating coaches for all you women out there:

Rules to Tell if He's Just Not That Into You!

1. He's not that into you if he doesn't make the first move.
2. He's not that into you if he doesn't answer your online ad.
3. He's not that into you if he doesn't call you or text you or e-mail you for a date.
4. He's not that into you if he doesn't ask you out by Wednesday for Saturday night.
5. He's not that into you if he only wants to see you during the week.
6. He's not that into you if he ends the date first.
7. He's not that into you if he asks you to split the check.
8. He's not that into you if he expects you to meet him half way or travel to him in a long-distance relationship.
9. He's not that into you if he cancels a date more than once.
10. He's not that into you if he doesn't ask you to be exclusive after sex and/or a couple of months.
11. He's not that into you if he hits on your girlfriend.
12. He's not that into you if he forgets your birthday.
13. He's not that into you if he doesn't give you a romantic gift for Valentine's Day.
14. He's not that into you if he skips a week.
15. He's not that into you if he doesn't want to meet your parents and friends.
16. He's not that into you if he doesn't want to spend New Year's eve with you.
17. He's not that into you if he doesn't take you to his office holiday party.
18. He's not that into you if he doesn't write "love" on cards or hold your hand at the movies.
19. He's not that into you if he breaks up with you.
20. He's not that into you if he talks about his ex.
21. He's not that into you if he doesn't want to have sex.
22. He's not that into you if he doesn't propose.
23. He's not that into you if he proposes but won't set a wedding date.
24. He's not that into you if he wants to vacation separately or spend a lot of time apart.
25. He's not that into you if he's married to someone else!

okay, just to be fair for the men. i'm guilty with most of these on how to tell if she's just not that into you. from askmen.com:

9 Signs She's Not That Into You

1. She says she's not ready for a relationship

2. You're always the one calling her and/or she doesn't return your phone calls

3. She avoids eye contact and physical proximity
4. She mentions other guys she finds attractive
5. She tries to set you up with another woman
6. She doesn't laugh at your jokes
7. She is always vague about making plans
8. She regularly cancels plans with you
9. Her description of the perfect man sounds nothing like you

but at the end of the day, these are all just signs.

everyday is a runway

2009-02-21T21:11:00.021+08:00

costume design is very important in a movie. yes, because it's visual and it says a lot on the personality and tonality of the character. just like how we normal people dress. we dress to impress a date or an interview or just to make a statement or when we want to feel confident. it's true what rebecca bloomwood said that 'shopping makes her feel alive and happy.'

i read the books --- 'confessions of a shopaholic,' 'shopaholic takes manhattan' and 'shopaholic ties the knot' years back. the author is british so the setting and language is very uptown brit which i expected in the film. i was excited to watch the movie and see visually the style of a rebecca bloomwood. i was a bit disappointed that her clothes are too mix-and-match and too much color. the only british there was her love interest, luke. it's a combined confessions of a shopaholic takes manhattan. but isla fisher is really funny that made the movie fun and light. it's a chick literature so obviously it's a chick flick.

i like each of the pieces but not as an outfit. comparing it to 'the devil wears prada,' andrea sach's fashion is still the winner! her style is classy, edgy and timeless.

imagine my awe while watching this movie. every outfit change is just so fabulous. i also read the book and it very much is close to it. i just want to ransack her wardrobe.

guy's girl

2009-02-20T22:02:00.013+08:00

according to urbandictionary.com, a guy's girl simply means..

That great girl who can just chill and be 'one of the guys'. She's into sports, beer, action flicks and doesn't give a damn what others think. However, unlike the tomboy, she has her gang of girl mates who she shops with and does girly stuff. When attractive, this girl is mysterious and elusive. Acts aloof and gives off the 'cool girl' aura, like she's very aware of both guys' and girls' worlds.

i never knew that there is such a term as this until recently. for sports, i love to do swimming, running, biking and boxing. i did try martial arts, football, baseball, volleyball and basketball. i just don't understand nba unless maybe i'm an expectator at the court and would actually watch it. i'm allergic to beer so i take hard drinks instead i.e. vodka or tequila. i super love action flicks and yeah i don't give a s**t to what other people think of me.

it's just that growing up and hanging out with my brother was fun. we would fight over computer games and gameboy since there was no playstation yet. we'd play streetfighter, x-men and the like. we both liked dragonball, sailormoon then later the animes. my dad was my action flick buddy from james bond movies, godfather series to whatever hollywood film that spent millions of dollars for the exploding effect and the luxury cars that were crushed. when i was in school i was 'one of the boys' and it's totally fine because i wasn't a trashy girl. but that's the thing, i'm very girly too that the words fashion, shopping, pink, floral, pretty, sexy, salon, spa, arts are very dear to me.

yes i like to have fun with the company of the boys and the girls. not just them but the gay guys too coz they're really sweet, funny and lovable. it's just cool to be a guy's girl.

i regret not to buy you. i'll come find you again.

pat that lashes, shu style

2009-02-20T12:01:00.010+08:00

my latest vanity addiction. the lashes. a colleague had been telling me to get my lashes done a year ago at salon de excellente in timog ave. near gma (oh yeah, i have lots of local star sightings having primped up when i'm there hehe) for their eyelash extensions. so as a birthday treat to myself, i tried it and i'm so happy. it made my chinky eyes look big but it was really long. my traditional mother wanted me to take it out but i had it cut instead.

the other day, i went to shu uemura rockwell and checked out the lash bar. :D it's quite pricey for a one time use worth 2k but it's really really pretty.

premium black gown (i so want to try this hehe)

dazzling sapphire diamante

illumi-decor

dazzling black diamante

dazzling diamante

a collaboration of dutch fashion designers viktor & rolf for shu uemura called the 'couture collection.'

wing couture

rhombus couture

swirl couture

til my next costume party... :)

it's serena!

2009-02-20T09:32:00.017+08:00

spotted. blake lively as the cover of this month's vogue. i like serena this second season compared to the previous one. she's now empowered and bringing her queen 'tude back.

vogue us feb 09

lovely oscar dela renta dress and jimmy choo heels

michael kors' little black swimsuit

the boss. i love this ralph lauren jumpsuit.

so who's more shining now b? :P

foxy tranny?

2009-02-20T08:46:00.008+08:00

do you honestly believe that this gorgeous woman used to be a man? i've seen her movies from the mean girl in the confessions of a teenage drama queen to transformers lady love. megan fox reportedly joked during a red carpet golden globe interview that she's a tranny.

“I am pretty sure I am a doppelgänger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared.”

oh please. she's ridiculously the fantasy of every man i know and yet she's still insecure. i think it's just some publicity stunt and a form of analogy how bad she thinks she is. if ever she really is a tranny, sorry boys. hehe

cosmo girl 08

allure 08

(the only fashion editorial i liked. her face is more of a men's mag material. she must stick to seducing men, not women.)

the lady is a vamp

2009-02-19T23:35:00.007+08:00

i adore lady gaga. at last, there's a breakthrough in the pop scene. she's talented, can sing and write, designs her own clothes and stuff and a visionary. she's pretty, really confident with her own body and sexuality. her songs have club vibe that makes me want to dance every time i hear it. i just simply lovett!

only she can pull that head dress

super light blonde works on her and the lashes

her signature blue lightning symbol

poshness

2009-02-18T04:43:00.006+08:00

"I love women. I like them as friends, as interesting people to speak with. But I love gay men. I always say it. Inside me there is a gay man who wants to come out!"

well said victoria. i feel the same way too. :)

russian vogue feb 09

i love this mrs. officer look

so posh

but she looked way better circa 1997 during the spice world tour. i was such a huge spice girls fan that i bought the tapes and original metallic colored cds, watched the movie 'spice world' and was about to watch their concert when rumored to have a stop here last year but was canceled. i just hope when they do a concert again they're not yet spice grannies.

girl power ;)

bebe gandanghari

2009-02-16T10:08:00.006+08:00

She's everywhere. From the time i saw his err.. her interview and ramp at startalk to blogs of fashionistas, celebrity gossip's and everyday people's. She's now becoming a pop culture because he was then a hunk actor, girls swooning over and even married a beautiful young actress. He's the first ever popular transvestite in the country which used to be a taboo. It helped that he was pretty (figuratively and technically) celebrated back in the day. And now the advertising industry who goes with the flow with trends and should do everything with a bang uses her as the host in the creative guild's Kidlat Awards. Good manager or pr person who handles him.

the pink sisters

2009-02-09T21:04:00.008+08:00

i so love pink. pink is the color of a woman.

i was told that there's a near convent at my office where you can give special intentions and they will pray for you. so i went in times of feeling hopelessness.

the chapel is so peaceful and serene. i was delighted to see the nuns wearing pink and that's what they are known for, "the pink sisters." i wasn't able to talk to them and see their lovely gardens because it's lunchtime when i went there. mom and ate told me that they are very nice and accommodating. i'll sure go back and visit them at st. joseph's convent, dona hemady corner 11th street, new manila, qc.

photo from http://asksistermarymartha.blogspot.com

BMW films

2009-02-02T11:25:00.007+08:00

BMW had a campaign which they created short films instead of commercials that was shown in their website. An innovative way to tap their market using award-winning directors globally and hollywood actors in the 8 shorts.

Every episode has a different plot which stars Clive Owen as 'the driver' in all short films. The feel is serious and action-packed. Indulge yourself in these 8 short series with less than 10 minutes. :)

Episode 1: Ambush

Directed by: John Frankenheimer

Featured the BMW 7 series

Episode 2: Chosen

Directed by: Ang Lee

Featured the BMW 5 series

Episode 3: The Follow

Directed by: Wong Kar-Wai

Also starring: Forest Whitaker and Adriana Lima

Featured the BMW 3 series and Z3 roadster

Episode 4: Star

Directed by: Guy Ritchie

Also starring: Madonna

Featured BMW M5

Episode 5: Powder Keg

Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

Also Starring: Stellan Skarsgard and Lois Smith

Featured BMW X5

Episode 6: Hostage

Directed by: John Woo

Also starring: Maury Chaykin and Kathryn Morris

Featured BMW Z4

Episode 7: Ticker

Directed by: Joe Carnahan

Also starring: Don Cheadle

Featured BMW Z4

Episode 8: Beat the Devil

Directed by: Tony Scott

Also starring: James Brown, Gary Oldman, Danny Trejo and Marilyn Manson

Featured BMW Z4

first love

2009-01-20T23:02:00.008+08:00

Credits:
Creative Team:
GADC (McDo Clients) : Margot Torres / Christina Lao / Mel Montemayor
Creatives : Teeny Gonzales - ECD-Copy / Argem Vinuya - Sr. Art Director
Accounts : Tey San Diego / Wella Balagtas / Lester Obice
Producer : Irene Chingcuangco
Director : Stephen Ngo
Prod House : Provill / Sound Design
Caster : Enrich Munchua
Musical Work : "Ang Huling El Bimbo" by Ely Buendia

it's almost midnight and there's a delivered mcdonald's. i am pretty much hungry from my workout and so tempted but no. i have to fight the temptation. as i am controlling my food intake, i swore not to eat fastfoods. but this really witty commercial caught my eyes on its first sunday break. as an ex-member of the advertising community, i may say that this will win them an award. they did their strategic planning well that targets the yuppies in our generation who are the consumer of this fastfood chain. creative-wise, it has no branding in the copy/script but all logos/location is obviously branded. it's soft sell. the commercial jingle used is "huling el bimbo" by the 90s beatles of the country, eraserheads. basically the song itself is catchy and popular that relates to the unrequited love concept. kudos to the team. i'm lovin it! ;)

push it

2009-01-20T21:53:00.007+08:00

okay.. patience is a virtue but i need to push it. i've been working my ass off in the gym for almost two weeks now but it seems like it's not enough. my trainer told me the effect will take after two months but i think it's too long. a co-gym member has been doing all the classes offered and after two weeks she lost it. mine is half of what she lost since i only took the half of the total package. makes sense. well for now all i can do is stay focused and know what to do next time.

domestic diva

2009-01-09T22:26:00.005+08:00

it's a friday and i'm home! no, i'm not sick or anything i just opted to stay-in. i'm sure mother is so happy to see her daughter at the house early in the evening not early in the morning. i guess it's going to be like this in the coming months. i don't miss my signature cosmopolitan drink or penetrating in a crowded full of smog club. i'll see my friends still but lie low. as the countdown of my birthday arises, i'm slowly regretting stuff that i should have not done before. for example, if only i minimized the social drinking and shopping sprees for the past year i could have saved a lot. but doing this is sacrificing my social life. oh well balance is the answer... so what's next? i think i should start cooking healthy food.

soon-to-be desperate housewife

let's get physical

2009-01-07T20:17:00.010+08:00

olivia newton john music video in the 80s hahaha

i'm hell tired. back to shaping up and toning. good to see my old friends at the gym as the staff were happy and surprised to see me again after 4 yrs of hiatus. as the social butterfly as i am, i've gained a new gym buddy on my first day.

well well... there's this cosmo bachelor hunk who's always a teleserye sidekick in one of the hearty networks that went in with an entourage... a bodyguard/personal trainer and a glamoured pet.. este chick with high heels who follows him whichever area he was. i think this hunk is not really a hunk since i come across to his semi-naked photos that looked soooo dainty. is showbiz really that hard to penetrate that he had to have holiday greeting posters in the city or he just truly loves himself? alas, he has an upcoming movie again as one-of-the-hunks. so i guess business is still is good, you're still pretty err handsome my dear. poor souls as they live in their own world where they are the unreachable stars. i won't be surprised if this is another p.p. or s.m. so who wants be the town's next top politician?

i know you love me xoxo,

gossip girl

blast from the past

2009-01-06T22:25:00.007+08:00

i just saw the movie "baler" by mark meily. thank god for metro manila film festival for choosing it as the best picture because it is. the script is witty. the storyline is simple with grace. great performance of all-star cast actors especially the comic dialogues of leo martinez. anne curtis graduated from her teeny bopper t.g.i.s. show in this movie. while echo is still the actor celebrity that he is, feeling 'gwapo' and all which he is, smokin hot even but acting-wise is okay. cinematography is good also having a colored-sepia feel. the production design of the soldiers is well portrayed. it's a good remembrance of your history subject with a twist of romeo and juliet plot line. filipino values were very much present like the fiesta culture and being hospitable even to the enemies. one thing i noticed right from the first shot was the kissing scene. i don't think the maria claras before were that public with their affection in their "tagpuan" or meeting place. unless the town's population at that time was so few that no one can really see them. it's just surprising because filipinas are conservative in nature but the film depicted a twenty first century modern filipina. a film is always the director's interpretation and as a viewer that is my take.

meeting my best friend faith from high school after 2 years was great. we changed physically with more curves to love and with brains to boost. but we are still that once 5th grader who likes to talk about boys, dreams and future. catching up was long and the topics are still the same. since i was out in the circulation for sometime, it really is a blast from the past.

a gloomy day at seattle, cubao

2009-01-05T17:50:00.014+08:00

first monday of the year to see the streets of cubao. my new turf. it's that old dirty streets that are full of jeepneys. it is best known for the coliseum of the aranetas for it is the place-to-be every season of uaap, which i never witnessed ever. it's now the home of budding artists in the country to showcase and sell their creativity in art galleries/shops at cubao-x (shorter for expo). my new mall is gateway which used to be greenbelt when my former office was meters away from it. it's also the center for connecting cities and mrt. it used to be the old cbd (central business district) in the 80s according to my dad, until new business districts sprung like mushrooms over the years. i used to be so picky on my work environment. i preferred makati cbd because of it's posh ambience and it's accessibility to hangout places and clubs. but i discerned that no matter how opulent it is, at the end of the day i'm still a meager thriving laborer. oh life is good as i am having a cup of hot white chocolate mocha at starbucks with my trusty mac.

check out these artsy-fartsy shops!

remy's thrift shop @ cubao-x

karma vintage furniture shop @ cubao-x

inhabit exhibit @ pablo gallery, cubao-x

source: projectmanila.com

dream islands

2009-01-04T21:22:00.021+08:00

i love to travel and see places. learning new cultures and adapting to the people is my thing. trying out their lifestyle is fun too. i should have worked for a travel show or channel. i wish to become a jetsetter one day and when that time comes, my top 5 island destinations abroad are:

1. ibiza, spain - it is an island in spain known for their beach parties and clubs. house music started there. boracay is also patterned there. my cousin told me ten minutes away from the island when she was in the boat, she could hear the pumping music already at noontime! great place to unwind and party crazy.

ibiza harbor

2. santorini, greece - one of the best islands in the world according to travel shows. it's nice to be with a loved one when you're here.

santorini landscape

3. saint-tropez, french riviera - known for their rich and famous guests and their luxurious yachts. i would love to be a paparazzi for a day.

saint-tropez harbor

4. rio de janeiro, brazil - i'd like to see not just the brazilian men but the lovely white beaches here.

rio de janeiro landscape

5. fiji, oceania - breathtaking clear blue waters and less city feel. great place to go to your honeymoon.

fiji waters

okay, daydreaming and vacation is over. back to reality baby.

manila ladyboys

2009-01-03T19:20:00.017+08:00

the philippines is being known again aside from the pacquiao fights, the lyrics of britney's song, the dance numbers of the inmates or oprah's discovery of charice pempengco. at first, i thought they were the ladyboys of thailand. but no, our very own. these gay pageants are very ordinary as it is becoming a common thing. society now has become aware and slowly accepting gay love. they are fighting for their rights in congress and i think it's just. they are people too.

"All of these bikini-clad beauties used to be men. When they have a better body than you, as a woman, it gets pretty darn depressing." - featured in trendhunter.com entitled 'transgender pageantry'

i've never been a racist or sexist. it's all good, as long as the person is not doing harm to anybody and being true to himself. i'm just drawn to being close to one instantly and vice versa to easily befriend me. i just hope those closeted queens just be happy and come out. i know some who would even have girlfriends or wives to front. i pity those clueless women. i hope i won't experience love with a brokeback man. all i can say is, let's just all be gay (read: happy).

i'm not a party girl, a party woman

2009-01-01T14:36:00.024+08:00

it's january!!! 21 days before my 23rd birthday. damn, i feel old. true, i'm older, wiser and more mature (haha). i have now the sense of responsibility. :P my 22nd year is wild. for my 23rd, it'll be tamer, of course there must be change. i'll just shock everyone. bwahaha i have no idea yet what i'm gonna do for my special day. usually it's a dinner with the family.

i'll never forget my 18th birthday. months before it, i told my parents i don't want to wear a fluffy gown and have the conventional debutante coming out to the world party. i want a unique one. so i pitched my idea. i wanted it to be like an event. i'd like to see family and friends in a custom styled party by me. i wanted it in a venue hall at a hotel or a club depending on the theme. the themes playing on my mind were 'the white party,' 'the balinese-oriental party' and 'the glam party.'

for the white party, obviously people will just have to wear white ala people in the hamptons, the hall will be white from the curtains, table skirts, flowers, table pieces, etcetera. 7 course meal of american cuisine will be served. i'll be wearing a lacy white dress.

the white party at the hamptons look

for the balinese-oriental party, everything asian, there will be no chairs but cocktail tables and full of cushions and flowing fabrics. cocktails and asian cuisine is served. i'll have at least 2 costume changes. one in kimono and my party dress. guests are required to wear something oriental.

the balinese vibe

for the glam party, it's like the vanity fair oscar party. people should be wearing formal attire. the venue here is in a club/bar. the color will be everything red. i would be wearing a gold dress. love it! i can't decide which one because they were all just fabulous.

french actress marion cotillard at the vanity fair oscar party

i was in my most strict diet and fitness routine and the sexiest in my life for it. the planning stage was perfect. until when i opened up the idea to my mom. having a traditional conservative parents is tough. in advertising jargon, "binaril ako ng kliyente" meaning they dismissed the idea. i was so sad and cried. so i had another idea and pitched. i talked to my dad and said, "dad, if you and mom doesn't want my custom styled party, i'll just ask for my own car." after a month around september, we picked up my new baby at the toyota branch and drove it home. i was the happiest girl. :)

after that i never had a party of my own. i just went to all the cool parties in town when i started to work. it was damn great to be in advertising in your early 20s. the parties were just crazy. it went to the saturation point that i feel i'm retired from it. vip access was so easy because of my then work. i was always dressed up coz i'll never know til that day which party will i be. love it! :D

but i'm now taking it slow... :)

my top 10 songs of 2008

2008-12-31T18:10:00.013+08:00

it's hours before 2009! this blog entry is inspired from judd's top 10 sports events of 2008. the lyrics of these songs related somehow in my past year. my top 10 songs of 2008 (in random order):

1. love lockdown by kanye west. i used this in my early blog entitled, do you remember your first? it's a song for someone i know.

Im not lovin you, the way I wanted to

What I had to do, had to run from you

Im in love with you, but the vibe is wrong

And that haunted me, all the way home

2. heartless by kanye west. another one from my recent blog... it's my song for me. hahaha

In the night, I hear 'em talk,

the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..

How could you be so heartless?

Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

3. go girl by ciara. i love cici she's so hot! and t-pain. i'm your go girl. ;)

Go-Girl

I'm the energizer PlayBoy bunny, I keep going and going

And you know it, that's why they call me

Go-Girl

4. just dance by lady gaga. my inspiration for my blog title. :) i love her super blonde hair! reminded me of my clubbing days in 2008! :)

What's going on on the floor?

I love this record baby

But I can’t see straight anymore

Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?

I can't remember but it's alright, alright

5. if i were a boy by beyonce. it says it all. those damn boys. hahaha

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

6. single by new kids on the block. they must be now the 'daddies on the block". hahaha but hey, they're hot! and yeah, i'm single since birth. :D

Pretty mama, if you're single,

Single... You don't gotta be alone tonight

So while the DJ plays this single,

Single... Just pretend that I'm your man tonight

7. miss independent by ne-yo. i simply am. :)

Cause she walk like a boss

Talk like a boss

Manicure nails just set the pedicure off

She's fly effortlessly

8. one more drink by ludacris feat. t-pain. damn! bring it on!! hahaha

[T-Pain]

If I take one more drink,

I'm gonna end up f**kin' youuu,

Is that what you wanna do shawty?,

If I take one more drink,

I'm gonna end up f**kin' youuu,

You too!!!

9. that's what you get by paramore. love em! my song for well...

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore

It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score

And why do we like to hurt, so much?

10. t-shirt remix by shontelle and the dream. i love the dream. i don't have anyone's shirt though. i like it, it's sweet. :)

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you

Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

Taking them off cause I feel a fool

Trying to dress up when I'm missing you

Ima step out of this lingerie

Curl up in a ball with something Hanes

In that I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on

With nothing but your t-shirt on

heartless

2008-12-31T08:51:00.021+08:00

what exactly is a 'special friend?' you care about this person. you're not friends because you do things what lovers do but you're not together. you're not just cuddy buddies either because you date. you have the hots for each other but don't want to be involved with one another. definitely no commitment, the only commitment required is staying true and honest with each other. probably you love each other but you're not just 'in love' to one another. you both date other people. the question is, how long will that kind of relationship last?

***

i met my almost ideal guy. it's so ideal that he's not the one. he has the looks, a major player, he's smart, he's not superficial, he's generous, he has big dreams, he's a gentleman and spontaneous but he's not serious to me or to any of his women. sigh.

a positive note: kanye is talking about a heartless woman. :P

season ender

2008-12-30T23:20:00.020+08:00

it's 40 minutes before midnight until the last day of the year. i can't sleep. ideas flow over my mind. i have to write. so i stood up from my bed. sat in the dining table and started to type. i came up with this random list of the 2008 highlights of my life. some were happy while some are sad. some made me reminisce the past. so no further ado, here it goes...

--> back to writing

i loved to write. i only discovered this hobby and/or skill when i was already in college. i was required to do it all from feature writing, sports writing, formal essays, ethical views, film critiques, scriptwriting, copy ads, press releases to movie reviews and more. i liked every single of it. i had no idea why i took communication arts. i had zero concept of advertising, pr or integrated marketing communications. all i knew was that i can be a broadcaster with that course because that's always the impression. i just liked english back in high school over other subjects. i didn't like to compute complicated formulas or theories or knowing if juan's brother is twice as old as pablo's older brother jose. so i took the course. i enjoyed my junior and senior year because i noticed i nailed essay exams rather than those boring objective types. the pressure to comprehend a difficult complex question and answer in a most simple way was fun for me.

enlightenment struck me when my philosophy professor who requires a weekly paper that serves as a take home exam commented. the book was "fundamentals of ethics" and had a summary questionnaires at the last part. every end of the questions were to give real life situations of the given philosophy or topic. that was really a good training to think deep. so this philo prof after he checks the papers, he calls the students one-by-one to give back the piece of literature for a private reading of the scores. one day, he called me and while handing my paper he said, "i like the way you write" and i said "thank you, sir." i was surprised because we were not chums in the first place and he never called me during class for recitations while almost all from the class were. all along i thought he's the prof who would not know my name if i see him in the corridors. but my scores from him were good. from then on he was my favorite. fine it's biased but he was the first person to commend me on that. and that was absolutely nirvana.

a year ago, i was supposedly going to be a writer for a fashion magazine after my first year stint from media. i passed the writing test and fashion knowledge test. it was not easy. the questions were like, "what's the latest trend?" / "what did gucci presented this year?" / "what can you say about marc jacob's fashion?" / "describe supermodel petra nemcova in three words." etcetera. good thing i was up-to-date. the interview with the editor-in-chief was stressful. he really knows fashion and i can't make things up. i was on my way to signing the contract but compensation is important to me as well. at that time, i can't afford to have that job. i can't ask for financial help from my parents anymore. i have to stand up on my own and they don't also tolerate such. it was my dream to be a fashion writer but reality sinked in. though i didn't regret it, i learned a lot from experiences this year. we'll never know maybe i'll still do my dream.

thanks to my sense & style writer friends, nicole and mark

for hooking me up :)

--> back to childhood

for the past month i'm doing things i did in my younger days. i went back to hongkong with mom, my first time there was 12 years ago. a lot has changed, the people and the place. we went to disneyland and see the characters live. and then my favorite holiday--opening gifts during christmas. and then the ultimate, for the past 2 days i was marathon-ing my once favorite anime, sailor moon.

the tour group in hongkong disneyland

inside the cable car with mom

going up the mountain

in the avenue of stars

usagi and mamuro

--> on love and friendships

i gained real friends and user-friends as well. i had a really good friend until alcohol messed up. we can't be the way we were. i regret that. i learned how to control my emotions and think rationally at all times. i got the lamest excuses from the few men i dated. it's a learning experience.

--> on career

i got what i wanted and then completely moved on.

--> the winner takes it all

of course, how could i forget my grand prize raffle item from tv5 launch event last july 24, 2008 at smx convention center. i went there harassed from work not knowing i'll win my beloved macbook air. the lovely simone cheng of hbo was the host and called my name. i screamed and all of my friends did. i was the envy of the whole populace that night to the point that people were congratulating me til the next event, the next day. it was crazy. it was the best and successful event for 2008 in media. they even had the group 'lifehouse' perform before their concert in araneta. i love it soo much. thank you tv5!!!

mitch, beck, la winner, yule, lalaine, rhonna, jay-p

------

come o ye 2009, bring me good fortune, love, health and luck.

wanted: hotness in 2009

2008-12-27T22:25:00.017+08:00

everybody as in everybody is telling me to lose the fat. i'm thankful that some people care even if it's the freaking truth that hurts. sometimes i just want to have an invisible cloak so they won't notice me. i came to the point where i don't fucking care if i gain weight. but in this part of the world i am moving in, sad as it is, is an issue.

i watched the movie, "my mom's new boyfriend" earlier starring meg ryan. she's an obese lady and is depressed with her single motherhood life. her son, henry, an fbi agent, will be away for work. so at the airport after seeing her son leave, she sat on the floor weeping with food all over her and when she's going to drink her cup, a man thrown a coin at her thinking she's a beggar. it sinked in to her that she needs change. after 3 yrs, when henry came back, her mom is hot.

so back to me, how the hell am i going back to my once upon a time 36-26-36 vitals? i shouldn't view it as a struggle. it's going to be hard work, discipline and determination.

i love her

here's the thing. for 2009, i need to change my lifestyle. get up early, go to aerobics class or run the treadmill for at least 30 minutes, do at least 100 crunches a day, then add weight-lifting for at least thrice a week. for sure i'll feel better and happier. my problem is, i just love to eat. i enjoy food too much. it's not gluttony but i just simply love good food. i should psych myself that instead of dining out, i should dine in to save money. this means lessen the alcohol, night outs and sleep early. i can't order my favorite cocktail drink anymore. shift to red wine or kurant (gin and tonic). go semi-vegetarian meaning i can eat anything except red meat. shift from white rice to wheat bread. etcetera. i know the works. i'm just too lazy. so focus on the goal.

doing the groceries earlier with the low-fat items in my cart is a big step. congrats to step 1. step 2 is implementing all that idea and step 3 is maintenance. i once became a southbeach follower that i made my own recipes til i got fed up. i didn't stick with step 3. why does it seem so difficult? someone told me to have an eye candy so i can be inspired. but i disagreed. i'm not doing this for anyone but for myself. i owe it to me. i'm the type of woman who just loves challenge. so 2009, game on!

backtrack 2008

2008-12-26T18:29:00.027+08:00

another year is on its way. time flies, really. i remember the year 2007 exactly the same day, i didn't know what was ahead of me. i resigned from a brief 2-month stint in a company and i wanted to go back to my first job which is media. at that time, i wanted to go back to my former work because the people were just so nice. but in reality, it's not that easy. i left and i can't just go back because i wanted to. so scrap that idea. the next step was to still be in the industry. i was interviewed in one of the biggest and competitor of my former but didn't like their terms. i was again interviewed to a smaller one but was waiting for a call. then suddenly got a referral from a former officemate to my present job a month ago.

it was new year's and it only took 2 weeks to process my application. i thought to myself, am i that qualified or they just really need manpower due to the fast procedure. i think it was both. haha who will not forget the infamous question of the then head of the group... "if you're an animal, what animal are you?" shocked as i was i said pointblank, "i'm a tiger, smooth but fierce." the terms were okay. i was not another trainee and the salary package is at par. so i got hired the day before my birth date, january 21, 2008. it helped that i have friends from college there but the atmosphere was just different. every organization has its own culture so i had to adapt. i was like a foreign specie in a new habitat. it was really a big adjustment on the first month but the coming months i liked it. i liked my job. i had full responsibility as a media buyer. i now understand my job because in my former i had the great opportunity to learn the fundamentals but lacked the application. i was able to apply all that there. i then knew how to go around if ever there's a "sabit." the job description entails to be an investment banker, stock broker and an accountant all in one.

i was really working. i was not anymore keen on parties, events, giveaways, raffles and vip treatments which i used to. i felt i got matured at work. even my behavior changed. my account demands to be the best that you can. i was so into work because it demands me to be. it's endless. i went multi-tasking to the highest level. it's like i was this whole different person when i was at work. serious, competitive, bossy, sometimes bitchy, negotiator... it's great that i was able to experience all those. it molded me.

there were cons as well if there were pros. it's the usual day-to-day agency life. you wake up, go to work with people you didn't choose. do client calls, have some PR with old and new suppliers, deal with finance people, answer e-mails, prepare lots of reports and clerical work for your superior to check. then have lunch with people you consider friends while others gossip about other people. it's like show business in a lesser captive audience and you're actually in the system ala matrix. and like in any corporate fashion, politics is simply clamorous. (it's now clear to me that i have experienced it, what my eccentric professor in art appreciation back in college was lecturing.) then after the break, you go back to work again. in the evening, i was overtime most of the days. well i go out after work but that was only once or twice a week. then travel home for an hour and sleep for 4-5 hrs a day. the cycle goes. i didn't see much of my family. that's why it was an issue to my mom. i was tired as hell. mom wanted me to just pause and think it over. that's when i decided to leave.

are you in the matrix?

the nice thing being in an advertising agency is its less corporate vibe. in media, it is corporate but not too corporate as our client's where it has to be power dressing or too less corporate and laid back like in a creative agency where creatives can simply wear anything. we can wear jeans but not shirts and flip flops. dresses too. it fits my personality really. i sure am going to miss the corporate drama, the fast lane life, the unplanned gimmicks of work friends, the streets of makati, new acquaintances, my pool of networks and my totally different life. i risked a career to be with the family business. i loved the fun, hectic and chaotic agency life. we'll never know what may happen in the coming years. i'm not saying i'm finally done with it. for now i am staying put to where i'm supposed to be.

ideal somebody

2008-12-26T00:51:00.007+08:00

okay, the title is "ideal" and according to dictionary.reference.com, it means 'a conception of something in its perfection.' but since there's no such thing as the word 'perfect,' i know no one is exactly this. i base my checklist from experience in meeting, knowing and dating men. holler to single ladies!

1. looks - who doesn't prefer a good looking one? that person might be blind. i don't mind if he's tisoy, chinito or moreno. as long as he is neat and knows how to carry himself. nate of gossip girl is the epitome of the alpha male. but it's deceiving most of the time. and please there's no such person as nice. all have hidden bones in the closet.

2. game - men loves to play. they are competitive in nature. that's why men are into sports not as much as women do. the goal is to score. so be the defensive player. know when he will be able to score. i used to play and i'm done with it. i want the real score.

3. intellect - i love good conversations about anything. it doesn't hurt if he's well-read and well-bred.

4. superficiality - there's this one phrase or comment that i'm keeping to myself that when i hear a guy tell me that, i'll fall in love instantly. it's something to do with not being superficial which most men are.

5. generosity - i like men who are just generous. money can't buy love but it's the thought of getting someone this or that.

6. dream - a person with no dream is dead-end. but that dream must have a goal for it to be implemented.

7. honesty - i simply am that's why i don't need crappy bullshit.

8. gentleman - i am fascinated how is it to live in the renaissance era where men practiced chivalry. but it's the 21st century now, i guess that tradition really died a long time ago.

9. serious - it doesn't mean there's no fun anymore. it's more of the intentions to me.

10. spontaneous - in every aspect of the relationship.

so if u happen to know this somebody, i would like to meet him. :)

thanks santa

2008-12-25T12:02:00.024+08:00

i just love this time of the year. aside from the intricate decorations in the christmas tree that i'm excited to do, i love the gift-giving spirit. as a kid, i never believed in santa claus. i always knew my parents were the ones buying the things i want for christmas. i knew that the fat old bearded lovable man was a faux. but what the hell, he brings goodness to the world and who am i to complain? :P

i find joy in giving gifts, wrapping it in a nice piece of paper or cloth to the point that i feel i'm becoming an apprentice for martha stewart (i used to watch that one time special and see the cast bitch around other people just to be her "apprentice"). does this mean i like domestication? true, sometimes it's just nice to stay at home and do crafts. sometimes. later in life i think i'm going to love stay-at-home when i tire being a bachelorette.

i enjoy when people smile and appreciate my present whenever they open it. but the best of it all are the gifts i receive because i have the best ROI (read: return of investment) hahaha! i guess it really is like that when you're the youngest in the family. i remember when i was younger, i'm super excited to open the gifts because i knew mine was the most expensive one because i had the cheapest gifts for them. hahaha for this year, i got a red starbucks planner from bro, body shop make-up from sis, guess accessories from mom and a lil something from friends like purse, bag, earrings, bracelets. love it. :)

born lippy strawberry lip balm, the body shop

sparkle and shimmer powder puff, the body shop

sparkle eye palette, the body shop

i got the one on the left

guess charm bracelet

i got one similar to this

as our tradition at home, we give candies and cookies to the less fortunate kids who knocks at our door every christmas day. :) i feel like a kid again. don't you love the spirit of christmas?

me and the city

2008-12-24T19:42:00.044+08:00

it's the season again of gift-giving, parties, simbang gabi, reunions and balikbayans. my cousin susan came from sydney so it is my job to entertain and accompany her to all the cool hangout place in the metro. this week long fete started on a wednesday night when she came in town.

wednesday. she stayed at greenhills so i told her to meet me at coffee bean and tea leaf, promenade. we had our coffee and looong chit chat that took for 6 hrs including our wine drinking at sofreh, a cozy persian restaurant we saw at g-strip. since i'm not really a greenhills-savvy kinda gal i called up my friend noel, who lives there and asked for a good place to have wine. he said chivs is a cool place but when we went there the place was empty at 6 in the evening, obviously. so we went instead to sofreh. i recommend to have a date there with all the cushions and stuff!

we're supposed to smoke shisha at sofreh but the we didn't like the flavors available

then failed to find one the next time

sofreh, greenhills

thursday night. i literally went around. went to taytay, rizal in the afternoon for a client service. after my off from work around 5, i went to robinson's galleria to do some xmas shopping. then went to metrowalk with my bestfriend oscar. he had dinner at bacolod chicken inasal while i was waiting for a text from my girlfriends. after an hour, i went to bargo, home depot, ortigas for our xmas dinner. i got my twilight book from grace! i am curious to read this book because the question in my head right now is that: is this another harry potter cult for kids or is the writing really that good that girls are so awed in reading it? i'll found out and tell my review soon. after our xmas dinner, we went to starbucks then around 12-ish i dropped by my former office at gamboa st., makati to pick up some of my stuff then went to bistro bar, palanca st., makati to see my former officemates judd and tina. then went ahead to see my cuz outside tabu, salcedo st. (because they don't know how to go around the streets of makati) to il ponticello, valero st. i didn't enjoy much at that time due to my exhaustion. then off home i went around 4am.

friday night. picked up cuz from greenhills then we went to bonifacio high street and serendra. we were looking for a persian resto for shisha so we entered hossein, serendra but the waiter told us to go to the strip for it. we went to hossein, fort strip but there were no people! so we ended up with our cosmopolitan at the mint bar. we checked out pier one and piedra and it was full. all bars were occupied with xmas parties. then we were tired so she slept at our house, in my room. we had a good night sleep.

saturday. we woke up around 11am. after brunch, we watched the first episode of 'how i met your mother' because i told her she should watch the hilarious show and since we could never understand men, she'll know a little on how they think after watching it. hehe we met up with ate debbie at trinoma for lunch at cafe breton. i ordered a caffe mocha, i love mocha flavored coffee. then walked the whole day until our feet tired out. we pigged out at tokyo tokyo for dinner. we went home around 9pm and continued to watch how i met until we slept. it was fun. can't wait for season 4!

i so love himym!

sunday. tito vic picked her up. i rested thank God.

monday. she had a qt with her man. and as for me, i went home and slept.

tuesday night. i was driving at edsa after dropping my mom at trinoma which is way up north. i was on my way to greenbelt for the maxus' xmas party when she called and insisted that we have to meet. i was reluctant at first but what can i do? she's leaving on thursday. i turned right to greenhills and we had dinner at cafe ysabel at p. guevarra st., san juan. it's this posh baroque style restaurant near shaw blvd. i had a norweigian salmon steak which is around 488 bucks and it was hell good. from the kitchen of chef gene gonzales. his daughter and one of the owners, giannina, is a friend of my cousin's bf alvin whom i went out on a gimmick with a couple of times. it's another fabulous fine dining date place because of its seclusion in the city. their interior is a fusion of an old spanish home meets the palace of versailles. then around 9pm i left so i can go to red box. it was nice to see peeps from my old agency. i really felt their kindness and warmth. i also had goodies and giveaways like the shell ferrari keychains! i heart maxus --- the most creative media agency. i grew up there and literally had my baby milestones in media. (emo! haha)

cafe ysabel, san juan

we were at the 25th floor, philamlife tower, paseo de roxas

MAXUS, june 2007

now i'm sick from all the week's fete. haha til my next city adventure.

do you remember your first?

2008-12-15T22:22:00.008+08:00

i'm not loving you

way i wanted to

what i had to do

had to run away from you

i'm in love with you

but the vibe is wrong

and that haunted me all the way home

i clearly do. whether it be my first day in college, in driving, in setting foot to a club, in my first major presentation to a client or whatever. it was my first day at my new work where there is no formal training and the most important investment i have to lay down is love.

i grew up with the brainchild of my father as we are almost of the same age. he would always take me there on weekends and when i was already in college, he required me to have a summer job there. but the stubborn as i was, i opted to seek elsewhere after graduation. realization sinked in. i had no love for it before but now i do. my father was a visionary and his vision was right for me to take over. time can really tell that this is the right time. if only i could see him now. i know he is watching. so help me God.

miss liberty

2008-12-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

"Truth" (1870) by French painter, Jules Joseph Lefebvre

it's a new phase in my pseudo-cinemaesque life so i decided to go back to blogging. for this year, i learned some, i lose some, i gained some. all some. i fell and tripped and then got back on my feet. i swam until i can no longer breathe but got through the land but it wasn't paradise alright... it was just an oasis in the sea.

i expected my labor stint to be this long or short. i played the part like an actress in her award winning mise-en-scene. but i guess it is relative in people to always look for something rewarding. nevertheless, i have no regrets for the experiences i've done. i just don't get some works of God. then again, i have no complaints and only good vibes to share.

on being a woman, i am physically and mentally. emotionally, that i have to check. haha it is true on the saying, "you'll have it when you least expect it." running into someone never in my wildest imagination is an attest to that. i always thought i am that vulnerable that's why i have this strong facade. but i learned the power of control. that everything is under one's control. liberating...

welcome to this chapter of mine entitled "miss liberty."